Love Love Love

I love my wife, my kiddo, our dog, and most of all...MY LIFE! I couldn't ask for anything more than what I already have. I get to spend time with those that love me, while doing the things that I love!!!



I watched a super sad movie today all by myself. It was called TWO WEEKS and it has Sally Field in it. She is dying of cancer. I missed the first little bit of the movie but watched the majority of it. OHMYGOODNESS...I could just imagine my mother going through everything that these 4 kids got to share. But my mother didn't have anyone to share it with. She only had herself. She was the one there every day and dealing with the fact that her mother was in so much pain, and she was the one dealing with the fact that her mother was dying, and she was the one that was there day in and day out. My mother must be the strongest person in the world. I don't know that I would have been able to handle it.

It is sad that my daughter will never know her great grandmother as I knew MY great grandmother. But my Nanau lives on in my life and in my pictures, so I know that my daughter will know of her. And it looks like she will get to know her grandparents very well. She talks to them often on the phone. She knows who they are in pictures. And she is always excited to spend time with them when we go home. It is kinda sad that we are way out here, but we do what we can to keep her in touch with her family.

I miss my grandmother so much some days. Most days I don't notice it, but some days I notice it a lot. Like today, mostly because of the movie. I remember the day that my cousin called me and told me my grandmother had cancer. Everyone in my office came over to console me and help wipe my tears. My grandmother has always been a very important person in my life. Every since I was little she was the one I would turn to. She was the one who looked out for me and cared about me so much. Were it not for her, I don't think I would be the person that I am today. She was there for me whenever I had a problem, whenever I needed anything, whenever I was down. I may not have always liked her solution, but she DID always have one. :-)

Her birthday just passed, on June12. I remembered her on that day. I said a prayer for her and I spoke to her for a bit. I was pretty sad that day. But the anniversary of her death is coming up soon. It has only been two years. But then has ALREADY been two years. I think that when I go home next month I will go to her grave and visit her. I DO NOT LIKE cemeteries, but I feel the need to be close to her. And I think that is the closest that I will get.



So I cashed out my 401K the other day. Out of 13K I took home $8600. Not too bad considering 20% taxes and an outstanding loan. That is definitely enough to take some time off for a month or so and not have to worry about things. I am going to pay off some bills and then I am going to go home to Texas for a little while. May end up imposing on a few friends and staying with them. I know I can not stay at my mom's house because my sister and her two sons are there. That would be waaaay too many people in that small of a house. So sorry. But I am sure that my friends will accommodate me. They have all told me that they want me to come home. For good. But I definitely can not do that. NO WAY! So sorry. I have a life out here now and a boyfriend and a one year lease to consider. Not to mention, Lorelli's daddy is out here still and I have to consider his plans, also. It's part of being a considerate mother. After the vacation, I am going to really begin looking for work. I think that I am definitely going to take about a month off, though. I need the rest and the time with my child. And I also need the vacation home. And since I will be starting a new job, I doubt that it will come with two weeks paid (or unpaid even) vacation.



So, I know that I have not been here for a while. This may be a bit lengthy. I have to talk about my job. And medical crap. And the new house. And of course, Lorelli. goes.......

OK - first the job. That I don't have anymore. I was suspended on Tuesday for some personal stuff that I have been dealing with my bank on. I had a check that I wrote returned...and as per policy, since I could not pay the check right away I had to get suspended per a home office decision.

Let's see...the medical crap....we are working on a way to get rid of my migraines. FINALLY!!! When I went to the optometrist, he was very concerned with the severity and frequency of my migraines of my migraines. Sooooo, I went and saw a neurologist...he thinks I have several problems. I am not sleeping well so therefore, my body does not have the energy to combat a migraine when I do get one. So, he is sending me to have a sleep study done, so they can observe me in my sleep and determine what some of that problem is. He thinks that some of the problem with my migraines is that they originate in my occipital nerve. To remedy this, I am going to a pain doctor to get some steroid shots in both of those nerves on the back of my head. That's a little scary to think about, but if it will help, I will take it, for sure. Also, he sent me for an MRI to insure that there is nothing wrong PHYSICALLY with my brain...thankfully that came back normal. And he also sent me for a barrage of blood tests. He tested me for thyroid problems, vitamin D, anemia and some other things. The only thing that came back this time was low Vitamin D. I have yet to go for the sleep study or the pain doctor...I will have to let you know the results.

And, the house. IT IS AWESOME!!!! We have so much furniture. But the house is put together. There are still the finishing touches to be put on the house. I have to hang pictures, and put up unicorns, and put Rob's stuff up and just really PERSONALIZE the house. That's what having a house is about, isn't it? I set up the fish tanks today, but I need to get the test kits, so that I can tell when the cycling is over. I do not believe in using fish to start a tank. Instead, I will use the fishless cycling method using ammonia. I like this better. And, once complete, the fish tank will be able to handle a much higher load of fish than if done the normal way. :-) Sooo exciting. Lorelli has her own room, on the other side of the house, so that is kinda nice. She wakes up at 5:30 in the morning because she is used to getting up at this time to go to Mr Grady's house. I just take her to the potty and put her back in the bed with a hug and a kiss. There is no talking during this interaction at all. I do not want her to stay up any longer than necessary.

And finally, Lorelli. The center of my world. The one who is driving me crazy today. We went and bought her a swimming pool to go with her swim suit that the babysitters bought her. It is nothing big, just a little pool thats about a foot tall and five feet wide, neon green, and inflatable. Mommy actually blew it up by mouth all by herself. It took about 15 minutes, but was not near as bad as I thought that it was going to be. She has gone swimming both days since we got it. She even got a few little small tan lines today. We were only outside for about 25 minutes, and of course we had on sunscreen, but since she is not in the sun THAT often, it affected her a little bit. But don't worry, she will be dark Mexican by the end of the summer, I am sure of this. I have uploaded a ton of pictures of her on my MySpace page if you care to check her out. She is growing up sooo fast that I can not believe it. She is completely potty trained now. It is awesome. Now, I just need her to grow because she can not get on the potty seat without help from a grown up. Its a bit annoying, but I love her and I am just sooo glad that she can use the potty and not use diapers. :-)