The blog formerly knows as - Oates to Sow

It's over!!!

2011-04-13T15:34:00.000-04:00

I am officially breaking up with this blog. It has served me well for quite some time, but it is time to move on. I have been working in silence on a new blog. One that encompasses who I am NOW and not who I have been in the past. I am looking towards the future and moving beyond my past.

I am a happily married woman with a beautiful daughter and an amazing wife. I want to be able to celebrate that in a place that is new and fresh and welcoming. I have found that place. Rather, I have made that place. So.....without further ado...

Please head on over to the NEW - Oates To Sow.

Don't forget to update your blog list to point to my new location on the interwebs. I do hope you will be by soon. And often!!! I have received so much love from everyone I have met through this blog and I hope to continue seeing and talking to you all at the new blog!!!!

Love is....

2011-02-14T09:42:00.005-05:00

A good friend of mine made me realize that love is more than just the gushy stuff. So....here is my post about what love is in our household. After reading this, leave me a comment and let me know what love is....in your household!!!

So...without further ado...

LOVE IS.....

...painting our closet pink because I love pink
...buying me a unicorn for christmas even though she despises them
...building me a whole makeup/vanity area in the bedroom
...making me a "bed" in the living room when I am sooooo sick so that I am not stuck in the bedroom
...sleeping with a fan on because I get hot, even though she stays cold
...rubbing MY feet after she has had a hard day at work
...building a 4 foot snowman on the back porch, in 12 degree weather, with no snow pants, just because the kiddo has never built a snowman before
...making sure that I always get a salad fork with my dinner because dinner forks are just too big for me
...eating meatless meals just because I don't always want to eat meat
...a mid-week tryst in Tennessee when we were 900 miles apart
...getting the stomach bug that I had just days before above-mentioned tryst in Tennessee and not cursing me for giving it to her
...letting me wear her warm fuzzy socks because my feet get cold in my boots at work
...telling me that we can have leftovers instead of going home to cook a big meal
...washing the dishes by hand because the dishwasher is too full and I made dinner
...taking the trash out late at night in the snowy blustery cold so that I don't have to
...bathing the kiddo for me so that I can have a half hour of ME time
...standing in the bitter cold at the bus stop with the kiddo so that I can keep getting ready in the morning
...a bucket and a cool wash cloth when I come down with yet another stomach bug

But...most of all...love is what we have between us. And it is something that I will never let go of.

Ahhhh....the spa

2011-01-28T14:13:00.005-05:00

Jennifer and I had an AMAZING and INCREDIBLE date night last week. We got to go here :

And by HERE I mean...THE SPA! OHMYGOODNESS it was amazing. We used a gift card and got a couples massage! For an HOUR!!!! There is a sauna room. Showers. Spa sandals. Water with lemon. Water with orange. A tranquility room where you can sit and read or snooze or Facebook or WHATEVER!!! Did I mention that it was amazing??? Oh, I did? Sorry.

But seriously...there is a nice masseuse that comes around to our office once a month and gives us 10-15 minute chair massages. Well...she came by 2 weeks ago and it felt so amazing that I called up Rasa Spa and made an appointment for us to go on a Saturday night and get a massage together. Jennifer has been stressed with work. I am back in the full swing of working. Our house is a bit messy right now because we have both been feeling icky for a while. We are planning a vacation. And we have a 5 year old. So...not to complain...but life sometimes just gets in the way of being able to relax. Enter---massage!!!

We went in a bit early like they told us to and we got to sit in the little sauna. That, to Jennifer, was totally worth every dollar the massage cost. Warm, moist, heat in a darkened room with very soft wooden flute music and nobody demanding anything from us. Yeah, I guess I enjoyed it, too. :)

The massage was cool. We went into the room and there were two beds. We laid down on these HEATED massage beds. With million thread count sheets and a big silk blanket on top of that. And then....oh then...glorious massaging began. It was a little....odd...uncomfortable.... embarrassing at first because you're naked under those blankets. But then it felt good because the muscles began to relax and I began to focus on the actual massage and not the rest of it.

After the massage we went back in the sauna. And sat for about 15 minutes or so.

Pure and utter BLISS!!!

Vacation planning

2011-01-18T15:16:00.003-05:00

I am super excited. My Love and I are planning a vacation in February for Lorelli's winter break. Jennifer is taking the whole week off of work, to spend with the kiddo. At the end of the week we are going to head in to The City. And when I say The City, I don't mean Ithaca, which is what some of the "village people" up here call my little town. The City. HA! I digress....We are going to New York City!!!!

We are only going to stay a couple days, but we are planning on making it great for Lorelli. She wants to go to the Statue of Liberty. She has seen it on tv. And in books. And different places. So, she decided that she wants to see it in person. And she wants to "go all the way up to the very top." No problem. We will be making those reservations this evening. Jennifer wants to take her to FAO Schwarz, the toy store. I think that she and I are looking forward to that for ourselves much as we are looking forward to it for L.

We are also talking about going to the Museum of Natural History so that Lorelli can see all the dinosaur fossils because she L-O-V-E-S dinosaurs. Like....seriously! The child is infatuated. She knows more about dinosaurs than I do sometimes. It's ridiculous.

Snow Play

2011-01-12T10:30:00.002-05:00

So...this new blog design is taking some getting used to in the actual display of my blog and it is kinda making me mad....I hope I don't end up hating this new blog design because I DO love it so!!!

Anyways....lately, we have been having lots of fun in the snow. Today - I share that with you!!

Blogging

2011-01-11T20:21:00.012-05:00

Wow - I am getting lots of love and good feedback about the new blog look. Thank you, everyone. I love it. I love the new look. I love the new feel. I love you guys!

As for what has been going on here...we are enjoying married life. I love saying, "My wife..." It makes me so happy. She makes me so happy. It is not all unicorns and rainbows. But, its not bad, either. I didn't expect being married to be this amazing. I have never believed that marriage was something I would want until Jennifer came into my life. We started talking October 9th. We met in person November 19th. She proposed to me at the Texas state sign on March 20th. We moved Lorelli and me up to New York on July 13th. And we got married on November 19th. It has been one whirlwind up and down year. But, I wouldn't trade one moment of it for anything else. Here are a few wedding weekend photos for you to enjoy.

The Town Hall where we got the marriage license

Our reception dinner

Our wedded hands

- in the home of the woman that married us

- outside the town hall before getting married

I will be back in a while with more posts and more pictures. Bye, lovies!

DONE!!!!

2011-01-10T12:34:00.005-05:00

And just like that my blog has a whole new look. I have a new title. I have new information. And I am working on new content, just by living out my new life.

I decided to stick with the blog I already had and just change everything about it. I have not deleted any old posts or anything. But I have (obviously) changed just about everything else. I just feel like this person you are reading today is a completely different person that started this blog 3 years ago. But...as I have been told, your past makes you who you are in the present, and also determines what direction you will go in the future...

Stick with me and I promise to begin regular blogging again. I have missed it. And hopefully, you guys have missed me, too.

And, oh yeah, just in case you hadn't noticed, I have started a food blog. It's called NomNoms By C. The link to my new blog is at the top of the page. Enjoy!!

Change is in the air

2011-01-04T15:33:00.005-05:00

I am thinking of starting a new blog. Life Gone Awry has been me for the last several years...but I no longer feel that my life is awry. I feel as if I am where I am supposed to be....and headed where I am supposed to be going...

So...forget the blog redesign...that won't be happening I don't think. Instead....keep your eyes open for a new blog. Not sure what or where or anything like that...but I DO believe it is time for a change!!!

Ain't Life Grand?

2010-11-22T09:50:00.005-05:00

I AM A MARRIED WOMAN NOW!!!

It is amazing to say that and think about it and know it. I, the girl who was never going to get married, AM married.

Jennifer and Lorelli and I ran away to Vermont this weekend and got our marriage license and we were married several hours later. We spent an amazing weekend in a quaint little town called Woodstock and just enjoyed a few days of newlywed bliss (as much as you can with a 5 year old on vacation with you).

I will totally blog more with pictures and things...but I had to just let it out into the open!!!

LRD Journey

2010-11-14T08:43:00.008-05:00

So....if you don't know what LRD stands for you must not have been reading me for very long. This is the acronym created by my awesome friend Nan, in regards to my Little Red Dress Journey. There was a dress that I wanted for Valentine's Day once and it was not offered in my size. I was very sad to realize that I really was too big to be wearing anything so pretty. That was when I started realizing that I needed to lose weight. Of course, it took me several more months to actually start the LRD Journey...but this dress got me WANTING to start the journey.

There has been progress in the LRD Journey. I have not talked TOO much about it lately. I have just been plugging along and trying to eat right and drink water and all those things that I need to be doing since we have not been going to the gym lately.

And it has paid off.

If you remember...I was 245 when I started this long journey. I was wearing a size 20 and 22. And 245 looked a lot like this:

I have lost the weight slowly and steadily. I have been happy with my weight loss every step of the way, albeit I would love for it to progress faster. But I do believe that losing it slowly has been what has enabled me to KEEP it off instead of bouncing back up. I have not gone UP since I started losing weight. I have stalled and I have wavered, but I have not gained back any of the weight I have lost. And I have been losing for a year and a half now.

When I moved to Ithaca on my birthday this summer, I was sitting at 213. Not a bad place to be if you think about coming from 245. But not where I want to be at all. And 213 looked a lot like this:

And then I hit 200!! I didn't think I would ever hit 200. It seemed such an impossible goal when I started this journey. I didn't even put a number on where I wanted to go when I started this journey, when I made all the changes in my life. All I knew was that I wanted to be healthier and feel better about me. And I do. And 200 looked like this :

I am happy to say that I now, as of Thursday night, weight 1-9-5 pounds. That is an official FIFTY pounds lost. I have lost more than Lorelli weighs. I can not believe it. I do not remember a time in my adult life that I have weighed less than 200 pounds. It's amazing. I feel great. I have done it! I am not DONE. But I have proven to myself that I can truly DO this and keep at it and stay at it.

There are still tough days. We went out to eat a couple weeks ago and I had onion rings. I don't eat deep fried food anymore. I have discovered that deep fried delicious salty food is a trigger for me. If I eat something friend it causes me to want more and crave more and need more. It is very difficult to fight those feelings.

But, I have finally put numbers to my goal. For now...my goal is to get to 175 and a size 12. By Valentine's day. I think that is a fairly realistic goal. That is 20 pounds 3 months. Ans it's only 2 sizes from where I am at now. I am wearing a size 16!! And I even have a pair or two of size 14 pants that I have worn. And not been ashamed to be seen in them.

And then...yesterday...while shopping with my soon-to-be (very very soon-to-be) MIL, the dressing room lady told me that she did not think that I would need a size 16 in th e pair of pants that I was looking at, but more a 14. WOW!! Someone, a stranger, thinks I should only need a size 14?!?!?! Is this really the world I live in now? Am I truly moving out of plus sizes???

Circus Weekend

2010-10-27T08:13:00.004-04:00

We spent an awesome weekend in Cleveland with a good high school friend of mine that I had not seen in at least 7 years.

Eileen and I were near inseparable thoughout high school until our senior year when I missed so much school due to back problems. Then she went away to Abilene Christian University and eventually moved to Cleveland to be with her love, Steven. We lost touch for quite some time. I think she harbored a little bit of resentment towards me because I "abandoned her" our senior year. Not like I had a choice, I wasn't going to school because I couldn't walk...but that is a whole other story for a whole other time.

Anyway....in the last couple years we have gotten back that closeness that we used to have. We have not seen each other in forever, though, because I lived in Dallas and then Atlanta, and she still lived in Cleveland. But, now that I am in Ithaca, she is only a 5 hour drive away from us. So, she emailed me a while back and told me that the circus was in town (her town) at the end of October and we should use that as an excuse to get together. (The first time I ever went to the circus was my sophomore year with her and her mother.) I talked to Jennifer about it and she said sure, we could go and make a weekend of it. So we did.

We left town on Friday and drove to Ohio. We got in around 10 and watched the end of the Rangers/Yankees final game. (Can NOT believe that the Rangers won it - very odd)

Saturday morning we woke up early and all went to this awesome little dive for breakfast. It was an awesome way to start the day. My friend had to go into work for a couple hours so her husband took us around (in his beautiful Honda Ridgeline that I want so bad) and showed us some sights. We saw the football stadium, Lake Erie, the downtown area, a submarine, some "awesome" modern art, a regional airport with lots of small jets, and we even learned a bit of history about the area.

After the tour we decided to go to the Science Center. Lorelli loves this place. We have one in Ithaca and she had a blast the last time we went there. This one was bigger and had a bit more stuff to do and look at. We had a blast. They had a NASA exhibit downstairs (I will get pics to you soon, Sara) that was pretty cool. And then upstairs they had all the sound and light and water exhibits. Lorelli had a BLAST. So did Jennifer. And, actually, so did I. They even had a big thing that let Lorelli push this table and it made something similar to our Spirograph drawings as a kid. We brought her drawing home with us. :)

After that we went back to the house because Eileen and her husband needed a resting period and Lorelli needed to eat a bit. So, we had a lunch snack and then headed into Cleveland for the circus. Lorelli loves the circus. She has been several times in the last couple years. I enjoy it very much. Jennifer has never been to the Ringling Brothers circus. So it was a lot of fun for all of us. They did 7 men on motorcycles inside of that little metal sphere. We saw a motorcycle on a highwire with a woman hanging from below do a full spin around. We saw body bending women fit into a tiny cube and then get out.Of course there were elephants, and tigers, and ponies, and even ablack and white dog. We had nachos and popcorn and cotton candy. And I, of course, took a ton of pictures!! (which I will be posting soon)

The weekend was soooo fun! We needed to be able to get away and have fun. I, unfortunately, had a sore throat for the weekend but I had fun, too.

We were even able to get in intimate time to keep up with our intimacy challenge. Jennifer and I slept in a twin bed. How much more intimate can you get? We talked about our childhoods. We held each other close (and not just so the outside person didn't fall off teeheehee). We laughed. We might have shed a tear or two. And we just strengthened the bond between us as we discussed how we want our lives to go.

I'm sorry

2010-10-22T13:27:00.003-04:00

You ever do something to make yourself happy and then it just ends up hurting other people? I have. And I did. And it sucks.

I kept a secret from my best friend. It was very hard to do. And it hurt her feelings when she found out. It was not a big dark dirty secret. It was just something that I know that she would have liked to have known. And I didn't tell her. I didn't tell anyone. Only Jennifer knew my secret. Because it is her secret, too.

But now, my best friend feels decieved and hurt and was quite mad at me. And I, in turn, feel bad. I know...I should feel bad. This is why we don't keep secrets. Because they have a way of leaking out, right?

Things just changed. And I didn't want to talk about it. An opportunity opened up and we decided to take it. I didn't mean to hurt her feelings. And she assures me that she won't be mad forever. But, it still upsets me. I don't think that we have been mad at each other since middle school. And then...we weren't best friends and it was over something silly like her getting a higher chair in a playoff in concert band or something. I don't even remember the circumstances. I don't have any other friend in my life that I can say that I have never gotten into an argument or gone through a period of time in our relationship where we weren't talking.

Just know that I am sorry I hurt you. I didn't mean to.

Intimacy Challenge Day 7

2010-10-22T10:16:00.003-04:00

Wow!! It has been a crazy couple days. We have still managed to get in our "intimacy time" or "intimacy experience" as we are calling it. It has not been EASY every day, that's for sure. Life throws you curveballs all the time. At least it does me, but we are still finding time for each other, no that's wrong, we are MAKING time to spend together.

I really feel like the fact that we are dong this intimacy challenge has helped us so much. We are closer. We are calmer. And we are more in tune with each other. We even had an argument the other day that would normally have lasted quite some time, but we were able to calm each other down, speak rationally, and then pull ourselves back into the tight little circle that we have formed around ourself.

Yesterday, Jennifer was off. We had plans to go to the bookstore, maybe go to the mall, run a bunch of errands. We changed those plans. We spent the day just hanging out. I made a breakfast of some AMAZING turkey bacon, scrambled cheesy eggs, and toast. Then we colored my hair. And enjoyed a long hot shower. We did some cleaning of the house. All the while we would look at each other, tell the other one how much we loved them, stand and do the rocking together dancing thing wherever we were, and just enjoy our time. It was amazing. We went to the bookstore with Lorelli after she got out of school and held hands and read magazines and books together. We came home and Jennifer's mother made a simple dinner of hot dogs last night. Then we put Lorelli in her room with some books to read because she was so tired and we retired to our room to watch the Tom Petty movie. It's so nice to just lounge around and cuddle and talk and...be intimate.

It is really amazing to me what you can do if you just DECIDE to do it. This is a big topic at our proverbial dinner table right now. Deciding to get to a point in our life and relationship and interactions with each other. It seems to be working. It takes some gentle reminding from time to time by each of us to each of us, but it is working very well.

IC Day 3

2010-10-18T08:22:00.002-04:00

So, yesterday was day 3 of our 30 day Intimacy Challenge. And I have to say, that it was very nice. Jennifer had to work, but was able to get off around 4. She called and asked me to stop at the local branch of her store and run something out to her branch for her. When we got there, she was just waiting on us to bring her the stuff she asked for and then she was outta there. EARLY EVEN!! We drove home (in our separate cars) and were home by 5ish.

I had decided to make chicken taco salad for dinner so I immediately washed my hands and got started choppping chicken. I asked J to help me by chopping lettuce and tomatoes for the salad and she did. Her mom was cutting up corn tortillas to make nachos, I was tending to chopping and seasoning the chicken, and J was chopping veggies and shredding cheese. L was in the living room watching "a kid show." There was some talking and laughing and cajoling, but overall, it was just a nice evening getting dinner together as a family. It really made me feel...oh I don't know...sappy, loved, appreciated, helped....something. It was nice to have her help me out on something that I ususally do myself. And I know that her idea of fun was not working all day and then coming home and chopping veggies, but it really meant a lot to me that she did that. :)

After dinner and dishes (I unloaded and loaded the dishwasher - J washed the big stuff by hand for me *squee*) and putting Lorelli to bed, we went to our room to spend some time together. We just sat on the couch and looked for a tv show to watch, got our jammies on, hung out on the bed talking and laughing and sharing, and then sat online and read some different articles together about increasing intimacy in our relationships. Most of them were a bit lame, but one did have some good suggestions. It was nice to just sit and read together and discuss what we were reading and how (or if) it applied to us and our relationship.

Only 3 days in and I DO feel a bit of a difference in the way we are with each other. The way I feel about my lovely fiance. The way we deal with things amongst ourselves. I feel very connected and (if it's even possible) even deeper in love. IN JUST THREE DAYS!!! WHEW!!! I can't imagine what 30 days will bring. :)

Oh yeah, this is the article we read last night that I really enjoyed. It is called "10 Romantic Things to do to Increase Intimacy." And an awesome thing about the article...the 10 things - cost less than $20 which is important in this economic time!!

Later!!

30 days of intimacy

2010-10-16T09:38:00.003-04:00

Jennifer and I have decided to join up on a challenge that was issued by my great friend Nan on her blog. We are going to challenge ourselves to 30 days of intimacy. Not just sex, even though that is fun, but being intimate with each other. Taking time out of our every day life (which seems to be taking time out of us) and just spend it WITH each other. No other distractions. No pushing our needs aside to take care of other things that seem pressing at the moment. This challenge was issued to Nan by her friend Pamela. Pamela puts it like this on her blog :

The Deets: For the next 30 days, every single day, make time for and engage in some kind of physical intimacy with your sweetie. You may not jump under the sheets every day, but there’s a whole world of fun you can engage in. Hold hands, Eskimo kiss, gaze into each other’s eyes, etcetera. And you can’t keep this plan a secret. You have to ask your partner to participate and commit with you. You’re going to see more posts from me on this, sharing feedback from others that are participating, feedback on how this impacts their relationships.

Jennifer and I talked about this challenge and decided to take it up. We spent a couple hours together while Lorelli was at school. Just being together. Talking and holding each other. Spending good quality time together. We continued this throughout the day, even after we picked up Lorelli from school. When we went back to Borders for movie night, we sat in the cafe and leaned against each other and read our magazines. We spoke softly and shared articles that we were reading with each other.

Come join me and these other wonderful couples and make your way through 30 days of intimacy. Blog about it as you go. We don't need the sordid details or anything, just observations and reactions that you have as you go through. :) Leave me a comment and let me know what you think. Can we make it? Of course we can? Can you do it? Of course YOU can!!!

There is one catch...you can't just decide to do this on your own. Your counterpart has to be in the know and you have to be doing this TOGETHER! It takes determination and desire from both parties to make a relationship work, ya'll!! (teeheehee I never say that word, but it seemed to fit right there. I felt very Paula Deen just now.)

And for giggles, you should head on over to Plus-Size Barbie's blog and read about her first night on the 30 day challenge.

Oh yeah...this is the article that Pamela said inspired the whole diea....

4 day weekend

2010-10-10T12:41:00.010-04:00

Yesterday was Jennifer's big 3-0 birthday. Lorelli and I got her a new Fossil Watch for her birthday because she had said that she wanted a watch a couple months ago. But, we had to take it back because she didn't care for it because it is too big of a face.

We caught an awesome sale at Bath & Body Works and got her several new body sprays and shower gels. However, we messed that up and got her two bottles of the same spray. Oh well, she likes the scent, so now she has two bottles of it. :)

And Lorelli got to choose a present for Jennifer all on her own. She thought about it all the way to the mall. She thought about a hoodie. Or a t-shirt. Or a hat. Or a movie. And finally, she decided on....

Edward - friends with Thomas the Tank Engine. So that J can play trains with L on her train set and not have to use Lorell's trains. :)

For Lorelli's birthday Jennifer built Lorelli a big train table for the train set that Jennifer's mom bought her.

Of course, now the train set is bigger and the town has more stuff going on - we took L to buy an expansion set with a gift card my mom sent her for her birthday. So now, Lorelli does not have to share her trains if Mommy Jennifer wants to play with her. LMAO!!!

Hope you all are having or have had a great weekend!!! We are. We shopped on Friday. Had birthday yesterday. And are headed to the park today. Toodaloo!

PS - The scale is sgtill sitting right on 200 pounds. It is not budging. Of course, I have not been back to the gym anytime recently, but I have been cooking at home. We rarely eat out. (Except for yesterday for Jennifer's birthday) While at the park today, L is going to ride her bike and I will be jogging/walking/running. I am determined to get down to a lesser weight. I am enjoying wearing all the smaller clothes that my awesome Mama4Real sent me.

Me in a size 14 jean that she sent me - and a L not an XL sweater

The huge pile of clothes I got sent to me!!! :)

Awesomely cute pink and white hoodie from the clothes care package

size 16 jeans and awesome black and gray shirt

sexy black mock turtleneck - also from the care clothes package!!

And just in case you gorgot - this is where I was a year and a half ago!!! I did not realize I was THHAAAAAT big. WHOA!

Quick Note

2010-10-04T13:04:00.003-04:00

Hey all. How have you been? Busy? Oh, me too. WHEW!!! I keep saying to everyone, "This stay atg home Mom thing keeps you BUSY!!!"

Anyways...I am thinking about changing my blog up a bit. I am talking to my awesme blog design woman to make a few changes for me. I just wanted to let you guys know.

As for me...what have I been up to??? Oh..jsut watching some NetFlix. Cleaning the house. Cooking yummy dinners. Losing weight. Playing. Hiking. Interviewing. And just enjoying New York. Enjoying Lorelli. Enjoying Jennifer. Planning on getting married. Planning vacations. Being happy.

Everything is not always peachy keen and hunky dory - but for the most part - I don't have anything to complain about. I good friend of mine reminded me of that today. I really do live a wonderful life. I am healthy. I am building a beautiful family. And I get to wake every day next to the one I love. :)

ADK

2010-09-20T13:28:00.007-04:00

We got to take a whole weekend and go camping up in the Adirondacks. We had a blast. Lorelli had never slept in a tent before, had never been camping, and I had not been in TOO MANY years. So, Jennifer decided on a whim that we should drive up to the Adirondack's and just camp and hike to our little heart's content. And that's just what we did. It was so much fun. And the scenery was so beautiful. The weather was perfect. And it was awesome to be out of the house. There were plenty of PEE incidents in nature. My pajama pants got wet. Jennifer's socks. Lorelli's pants. You know how things are. At one point I thought we were all going to laugh ourselves to death because of our goings on. But, we made it back home safe and sound. We hiked. We roasted marshmallows. We slept in a tent. We walked trails. Jennifer and Lorelli fell in the river. We avoided Poison Ivy. And scraped by with no bear sightings. We are already looking forward to going back again...maybe in April because the campsite we stayed at is hosting a free weekend if you come up there with rakes and gloves and the intent to work and help clean up the site before the season starts again.

Here are some of my favorite pictures from this weekend.

YEEEE-HAWWW!!!!!

2010-08-27T12:34:00.002-04:00

THIS, my firends and casual acquaintances, is a scale that is a mere 3 pounds away from 200. And a whopping 42 pounds away from where I started last summer. You have all been here to witness the struggle. And the triumphs. And the stall. And the determination, fleeting as it may be sometimes. But...it appears, New York life agrees with me. As does being blissfully happy. And drinking lots of water. And cooking at home. And outdoor activities!!!

*LE SIGH* INDEED!!!!

Cherry Berries on a Cloud

2010-08-06T20:40:00.002-04:00

DISCLAIMER : IF YOU ARE MAMA4REAL, DO NOT READ AT THIS TIME. COME BACK WHEN HCG IS FINISHED.

I found this recipe in a cookbook that I have had for several years. I have wanted to make this for several years. For some reason, I never did. Now...I am SOOO glad I did.

Man is this thing GOOD!!!! I want to take it to bed and whisper sweet nothings in its ear. :)

**PASTRY CRUST** (do this part first)

1 1/2 C AP Flour
1 C Margarine, softened
1/2 C powdered sugar

Preheat overn to 400
Beat all ingredients on low for 1 minute, fully incorporating ingredients.
Increase speed to medium and beat 2 minutes or until creamy (and pillowlike)
Spread into ungreased rectangular pan, 13*9*2.
Bake 12-15 minutes or until edges are golden brown.
Cool completely. (Place in freezer for 10-15 min for quick cooling)

**CLOUD**

1 package cream cheese (8 oz), softened
3/4 c sugar
1 t vanilla

2 c heavy whipping cream

2 1/2 c minature marshmallows

1 can cherry pie filling (20 oz)
1 t lemon juice
1 pint (16 oz) of fresh or frozen sliced strawberries (if using frozen - thawed)
1 c fresh or frozen sliced peaches

Beat cream cheese, sugar, and vanilla in large bowl with electric mixer on med until smooth.
Beat whipping cream in chilled bowl with electric mixer on high until stiff.
Fold whiipped cream and marshmallows into cream cheese mixture.
Spread over pastry crust.
Cover and refrigerate at least 8 hours (to set) but no more than 48.

Mix pie filling, lemon juice, strawberries, and peaches.
Cut dessert into serving size pieces.
Serve with fruit mixture.
Cover and refrigerate and leftovers.

SAHM

2010-07-26T11:05:00.002-04:00

SO...the last time I stayed at home for the summer I told Lorelli (who was 2 at the tiem) that ONE of us was not going to make it to her 3rd birthday. :0) This time is much better. She is much better behaved. I am much less stressed. I am so much happier. And she is a bit bigger and understands the rules, even if she doesn't always pay attention to them.

We have gone into town a couple times - window shopping - the park - the library - swimming at some local falls with Mommy. We have been having a lot of fun.

She has been doing well adjusting to all the new changes. She has new rules. And a routine. And new authority figures. And new surroundings. It's a lot for anyone...yet less a four year old who was away from her mother for three weeks prior to all the new changes.

I love it here. I really do. I am so happy. I have not ever been this happy before. I feel all giddy and excited and calm and lvoed and warm - allll at the same time!!!!

At Long Last

2010-07-19T14:05:00.000-04:00

We are here. In Ithaca. It is amazing. The temperatures are beautiful. I think it got up to 90 degrees yesterday, but it was not a sweltering ohmigosh I think I am going to die kind of heat. It was just a bit hot, need to run the air and have something cool to drink. No big deal. The mornings has, thus far, been crisp and cool. I am loving it.

Jennifer came in on Monday and we were busy from the time that we picked her up until we went to bed that evening. There was no time for lollygagging or playing or visiting. None at all, really. I picked here up at 2:15. We got home around 3:30 or 4. We loaded my bed and the heavy stuff from the apartment into the moving truck. Then we went to the storage unit (in the pouring rain, I might add) and wrapped all that stuff in shrink wrap and blankets so it would not get damaged during the move and the subsequent storing of items in the basement. After all that was done we headed back to the apartment to finish loading boxes and misc stuff into the truck. Then there was cleaning and picking up to do and then showering and just...SO. MUCH. TO. DO.

Tuesday was the drive (And also my birthday). And it was a long one. We had planned on leaving at 3 that morning, but since there had been so much to do the previous day we didn't get to sleep until after midnight and driving 15+ hours on 2.5 hours of sleep...we just did not think that would be possible. So we did it on 3.5 hours of sleep. We finally got on the road on our way north at about 4:30. The drive was not really bad. Lorelli did INDEED {as she had said she would} switch cars EVERY SINGLE TIME that we stopped. Which was totally fine. It gave us someone to chat with while we were driving. Whether it made the trip longer or shorter with her in the car, I am not quite sure. :) We made it through Georgia, South Carolina, North Carolina, and the midpoint of Lexington, VA (where we met the first time) by 1 in the afternoon. That was super fast. The rest of the day was a little bit slower. Getting through VA took a while. Then we zipped through West VA and Maryland...and THEN PENNSYLVANIA!! OMG That sgtate took forever. I swear I think we drove throughy that state for 73 hours. Perhaps that is a BIT of an exaggeration, but not by much. And the GOS had us go through some bass-ackwards small county highway through the backwoods or something. BUT!!! We finally made it into New York around 9:30 and to our new HOME around 10:20. SO...all in all a 15 hour drive took us about 18 hours. I think, with a 4 year old and two mommies with small bladders, that that is not too bad!!

OK - I will fill you in on the rest in a while - I have things to do other than sit online all day. Sorry. :)

The waiting is coming to an end

2010-07-09T21:15:00.000-04:00

FINALLY!! I am in my last week here in Atlanta. I will soon be making my way to New York. To begin the rest of my life. YAY!!!!

And also...Lorelli will be coming home soon. FINALLY!!! My kiddo has been in Mexico with her daddy. They left here Monday night, June 21st. THREE. LONG. WEEKS. I have never been separated from her for three weeks. I have been apart from her for two weeks. But never three. It is weird. And lonely. I am not very good at the alone thing. I have lived alone before and it was ok, but I knew I was living alone. And my apartment was much smaller. And my best friend lived across the hall. But now? Now I am used to the noise of a four year old. And her dad. And the tv. And the radio. And just noise. There is nothing going on in my apartment right now. I have packed pretty much everything so there is not really anything extra to do or look at or figure out. I have tv, dvds, music, my computer, my phone. But I am LONELY. They should be back on Saturday, though. And I am {hopefully} having people over on Saturday for my birthday/farewell get together.

I am no good at change. I am good AT the actual change. It is dealing with the differences. It is very hard for me to explain. I am sooo excited about the move. And my new life with Jennifer. I think that you all know that. But, for some reason, my emotions get all wonky whenever any BIG change in my life happens. I am excited and anxious and nervous and happy. Its all rather confusing in my head. And it kinda makes me crazy. And its so difficult to explain. I am not anxious about the events that are changing....moreso the FACT that ANY events are changing. Does that make sense???

Also...today is my next to last day of work. And I am halfway through it. They are having a pig lunch celebration for me tomorrow for my birthday and my send off. The owner's wife sent out a beautiful and loving and doting email saying all kinds of nice things about me. Kind of gave me tears. I copied it here :
"Come to lunch FRIDAY, 12pm (location to be announced) We are going to be celebrating Charisse's birthday AND "sadly" her last day at Square 1 Art!

We were hoping to celebrate on Thursday but there are just too many workmen and noise commitments to deal with that would interrupt the day. I believe Thursday, they cut through the concrete walls.

Some employees do not have email so please spread the word to your employees. Charisse is moving to Utica, NY (actually it's Ithaca - but whatever) with her daughter. We thank her for her dedication and always helpful attitude during her employment with us. She's been a real asset to our company and especially our finance department. We will miss her. We thank her for being our human resource contact prior to Cheryl too. This was no easy task and I don't think I've ever seen Charisse without a smile! THANK YOU CHARISSE!"

I have not yet spoken to the owner about the horribleness of not getting paid my bonus this season. It is a very difficult thing for me to confront people. It wouldn't be such a big deal if I still worked for a big company. But this is a small company. I feel like we are family. And confrontation is a difficult thing for me when it comes to people I am close to. UGH!!!

My birthday is Tuesday. And Jennifer will be here Monday. And we are leaving Tuesday. I can't even tell you how giddy I am.

{Not So} Wordless Wednesday

2010-06-23T21:05:00.004-04:00

I realize I have not talked about my weight loss in a while. That is because I have not lost weight in a while. I am hanging in at the same place I have been for six months. Of course, this in and of itself, I think, is pretty spectacular. I am staying right at 210. And while this is NOT where I want to be. It is a far cry from the 245 I started at last year. I am pretty much a size 16 down from a size 22. This makes me happy. And to see what that difference looks like...Here are two pictures. One from last year. One from last month.

I bought some hand weights. And I got the Jillian Michaels 30 day shred. I am hoping that once I get going again, the weight and size will start to come off again. Once we move, Jennifer and I have promised to support each other. She is going to help me work out. I am going to cook dinner with her and for her at night. We are in this together for the rest of our lives. And I want that to be a LOOOOONG time.

Random Tuesday

2010-06-15T14:52:00.004-04:00

SO...I have not done a meme in a WHILE!! And since there is so much going on in my little head...I thought I would do this one. Check out PrincessAndy because she is way awesome and "inspired" me today. And then head on over to The Un Mom to read everyone else's Random Thoughts.

I miss Texas for one reason (mostly just one) only - I miss the sno cone/shaved ice stand on Western Center Blvd in N Richland Hills with 75 flavors that was open even in the winter. Do you know what they do not have out here in stupid GA? SNO CONES!!! I think that for my going away/birthday you should all pool together and buy me this or this :

I want wings and beer. I am craving vinegar. Or maybe that tart taste that everything that comes in vinegar has. Like wings. Or those little bitty banana pepper things in vinegar that my great grandmother used to have. Or pickles. SOMETHING!!!

I will not only be 30 years old in 27 days, but I will also be ALMOST to Ithaca at this time in 27 days. The time is passing quickly, though not quickly enough.

I will have a kindergartner in less than three months.

I am so very angry at my job and haven't quite resolved that issue yet.

I hate this whole LDR thing. It is making me sad and mad and grumpy. Thank goodness it is almost over. I can see how people could give up because of how difficult it is to be in love from miles and miles apart.

I want to bake cinnamon roll cupcakes. And strawberry lemonade cupcakes. And Snickerdoodle cookies. And some kind of delicious Foccacia bread. Just because all that takes work and concentration and I need my brain to be occupied for a couple hours.

That's all. Blah. I don't want to type anymore.

Overnight Stay

2010-06-11T13:57:00.003-04:00

I SAW MY LOVE LAST NIGHT!!!

We were supposed to take a little family vacation this weekend but we decided it would not be wise to spend that much money when there is so little time left to be apart. And then, it is good that we decided not to do it because as it turns out, I didn't get my bonus check from work for one reason or another. So there is no extra money to do the vacation with, after all. :-(

BUT....Jennifer was in Nashville all week with work. We decided that since we weren't going on vacation and since we had been having a tough couple weeks recently and since I FINALLY got finished with school -- I drove up to Nashville. Last night after work. And drove back this morning.

It was totally worth it. Aside from what you are thinking...it was nice just to lie in the bed and talk. And see her face when she talks to me. And feel her breath on my neck as I fall asleep. I miss all of that. I miss her. It sucks being so far apart. This whole long distance thing is so much harder than anyone told me it would be.

But thank goodness...today marks the very last month that we will be apart. In 31 days she will be here to load my stuff on the truck. In 32 days, I will turn 30 and we will wake up VERY EARLY and head out so that I can spend the first night of the rest of my life in New York. (If not in New York, as least with her.)

Enjoy a few pictures from the drive last night and this morning. :)

YIPPEE

2010-06-09T15:31:00.001-04:00

Tonight is the last of school. *SIGH* Finally. It was only two terms, but man were they long and hard. The first one was obviously much worse than this one, but they were both difficult. But the good news is that I am done. Well - after I go and take my Anatomy FINAL final. :-) I already know my final grade in my other two classes - I made A's!!! Anatomy may not be an A. But I am determined to accept the B that I will most likely end up with. And be happy with it. Because you know what ---- It is LIGHT YEARS away from the D I got last term.

OK - sorry so short - but I have to get off here and get ready to be done.

Oops!!!

2010-05-28T14:45:00.000-04:00

I am so sorry. Can you ever forgive me???

I have not posted about my Mother's Day Weekend and Lorelli's kindergarten registration.

We got in {FINALLY} Thursday afternoon and drove over to Momma's house and hung out there for a bit. We went to dinner and Lorelli was VERY VERY good, despite being drug all over the airport all day and not getting a nap. We only had one near meltdown which was easily averted by "Grandma Patti" stepping in and saying the right thing.

Lorelli is sooo cute. She hugged Patti and said, "Can I call you Grandma?"

Friday was kindergarten registration. Lorelli was sooooo ready. I was not. Jennifer...was almost as excited as Lorelli was. And they were both rushing me to hurry up and get ready and let's go. I can tell already how life is going to be....and it makes me smile. Anyway...the teachers were UBER impressed with Lorelli and she passed all her little "tests" with FLYING colors. Especially the one where she won them all over. The PE teacher told her that she was great and she said, "Thank you. You're a great teacher." *SWOOOON* I just love that little kid.

Lorelli loved her room that I posted about a couple days ago. She touched just about everything in it. And had questions about it all. I think she was kind of in awe. I know I was/am.

Saturday morning L and "Mommy Jennifer" went over into the next town to buy my Mother's Day present and let me get some homework done. This actually ended up letting me sleep in until after 11 a.m. which is not a luxury I usually get.

We went to the dinosaur museum and had a ton of fun. L got to play with all these little toy dinosaurs, which just might have been her favorite part of the whole museum. I definitely want to go back some time to go through the dinosaur museum on my own.

We went to an awesome kid's learning museum type thing that was WAAAY fun for everyone. There were water things to learn from. Sound makers. A soundproof booth. An area called Bubbleology. It was just way awesome.

Really...we had fun. And we are ALLLL counting down the days until we move, which by the way there are only 45 of those left. It was completely amazing to be able to spend our first Mother's Day together, actually together. I look forward to many many more.

Laying in bed after a loooooong day. Her little arms cover up ~~our~~ my double chins.

Taughannock Falls with Jennifer and her Momma

Getting ready to go into the dino museum

Catching snow...ON MOTHER'S DAY!!!

Hanging out at the park - this is how we DO!!!

Sappines Abounds

2010-05-20T14:13:00.005-04:00

So...I have been thinking...I know...it's a scary thing and you hope I do not do it too often, but bear with me here. I have been thinking that I could not have asked for a better person to fall in love with. My Jennifer is everything I have ever asked for in ANY kind of partner. She is giving, kind, affectionate, loving, doting, hard-working, energetic, romantic, protective, and many many more things.

But today...I am thinking of her sweet and romantic side. The side that makes me feel like a pretty pretty princess. The side that makes me feel like there is not another girl in the whole world. And today....I share some of the things that she has said that make me feel so very special. She may very well hate that I share these things because they will prove just how soft and sweet she can be. :-) But then again..most of you already know that about her anyway. Just don't go spreading that info around Ithaca...we have a reputation to uphold. HA!

"I love you. It sucks not hearing your voice last thing before I fall asleep" -- I was extremely tired and fell asleep WAY early and WAY before she was ready for bed,

"You are so cute with your enthusiastic love for things." -- I was UBER excited about Plum Pomegranate Green Tea.

"Send me a pic of you. I miss your pretty face."

"You look really pretty tonight - sometimes when we are apart I forget, just a little, exactly how beautiful you are." -- I went to a friend's going away/ birthday party and was dolled up just a little

"Baby i was born to write this story i don't need the cliff notes." -- I used to tell her that I felt she "said" all the right things, like maybe someone had given her the Cliff Notes to Charisse

Those are just a few of the sweet things she has said in the last COUPLE days. :-) *LE SIIIIIIIIIGH*

Just thought I would share with you all exactly WHO I am in love with. Who has changed my mind on the idea of marriage. Who I am choosing to spend every day for the rest of my life with.

Lorelli's new room

2010-05-19T10:00:00.003-04:00

The new room that Jennifer and her mother have been working so hard on is practically finished. Check out the awesome photos.

Spoiled much??

I Heart Faces - Flowers

2010-05-18T10:21:00.002-04:00

Head on over to I Heart Faces to check out all the other entries for this week's theme.

Never Again

2010-05-14T10:35:00.003-04:00

I am very tempted to say that I am never going to fly anywhere again. Or at least that I am never going to fly into or out of Ithaca again. I have very bad luck when flying to and fro Ithaca.

The first trip out there, if you will remember (or did I even tell you guys?), my flight home was canceled and I had to get another flight the next day out of a different airport. And due to the snow and weather in GEORGIA - THAT FLIGHT was delayed over an hour and a half.

My second trip to Ithaca, the snow and ice was so bad that our flight was delayed out of Newark, NJ by more than 2 hours and there was a touch and go moment when they weren't even sure that we were going to GET to fly out of there that night.

And this trip....oooo THIS trip. This trip was a cluster EFF from the first moment we set foot on the train.

We missed our flight out and had to be rescheduled to a direct flight into Syracuse. This was all made possible by the Marta train getting stuck at one station, the airport train doors not working properly to open and close and then STAY closed, a four year old who needed to potty, a gate change, and simple JONES luck.

Then...on the way back to Atlanta, the flight out of Ithaca was delayed, which caused us to miss our connecting flight in Newark. We had been back-up booked on a Delta flight that left an hour later, but because we had to exit security to get to the next terminal, and when we went back through security we were chosen to "randomly" have our bags checked which took even more time. By the time we got to the gate, THAT flight was gone. UGH! So, we were placed on standby on an overbooked flight that was the last flight out that night to ATL. Jennifer had already called a local hotel and made sure we would be able to get booked there, in case we didn't get out of the Newark airport. BUT...by the grace of GOD, we were able to get on the flight and finally get back to Atlanta. Poor little Lorelli was soooo good all day. And she was so tired that she was asleep within moments of getting her pretzels.

Goings On

2010-05-06T01:03:00.003-04:00

Lots of things happening lately.

Last week, at the urging of Jennifer and my mother and my friend, Queen Dani, I went to the doctor last week and had my blood sugar tested. I was told years ago that I was pre-diabetic and that I should be cautious. But that was years and years ago. Occasionally I feel like I am having problems with my sugar, but it could just be what I ate. Or me being low in iron. But...I have diabetes in my family on several sides, so it is always something that the doctors watch on me. WELL.....HALLELUJAH I do not have diabetes. Or even pre-diabetes for that matter. My A1C was only 5.6, which is pretty good. Pre-diabetes is 6.0 - 6.5 and diabetes is 6.5 and above. They also tested my cholesterol, both good and bad, and triglycerides. And everything came back well within the healthy limits, so that is GOOD news. *WHEW*

Secondly, you know I am retaking Anatomy & Physiology this quarter, right? Well...we just passed the halfway point. AND I STILL HAVE AN A!!! YIPPEEE!!!!! I know I am probably too old to be saying yippee....but whatever. I am super excited. And the A I have is not the kind that is hanging on by a thread and hoping it does not fall down to a B. Nope, thus far I have an A+ in A&P. And also in Microcomputers and in Sociology. I am feeling very good about myself right now.

My nephew has his First Communion this weekend. I am super excited for him. I am SO VERY NOT Catholic, but I know it means a lot to him and he is nervous about tripping or something on the way up. He is just the cutest little thing.

Lastly, I am proud of me. I was able to pack mine and Lorelli's clothes for a whole weekend in New York with just our carry-on luggage. SO GREAT!!! We are leaving in the morning (Thursday) and will be back on Monday evening. And while we are there....get this...IT MIGHT SNOW!!! On Mother's Day there are snow showers in the forecast. We will see.

On that note...speaking of New York....I am going to go to bed. I have a long day filled with airports and layovers and a 4 year old to deal with tomorrow. You will be hearing from me soon. :-)

Mothers

2010-05-02T22:13:00.011-04:00

So, today, I told Lorelli that she needed to get to bed and get some sleep tonight because she would be "going to work with Mommy in the morning." She got all excited as she LOVES to go to work with me. The she said, "I'm going to work with YOU my mommy?" I said, "Well what other mommy would you be going with?" To which she responded, without even thinking about it, "Jennifer."

AWWWWWWWWWWWWW *TEAR* It was the sweetest thing EVER!!

Also...I am super duper excited about something. Mother's day is coming up. This is our first Mother's Day together. And we will actually be together. Lorelli and I will be in New York. Spending Mother's Day together with Jennifer and her mother. I could not be happier. Starting traditions and spending family time together.

When talking about Mother's Day, I always get a little teary. I have been a mother for almost 13 years now. I gave the precious gift of life and the chance for a family to a very special couple. And while I may never get to hear Pierce say, "Happy Mother's Day" to me, it moves me, almost to tears, to know that he is saying it to her.

It is done

2010-04-28T09:56:00.002-04:00

I told Patricia and Grady that Jennifer and I are going to be married. And that next week I am enrolling Lorelli in kindergarten in New York. And that she and I are moving in July. And that I am sorry I did not tell them sooner.

They are upset, as I knew they would be. They said they knew it would happen one day. And that they know I have to follow my heart.

As if she wasn't spoiled enough, already

2010-04-27T12:56:00.004-04:00

Life with Jennifer is going to be different for all of us. I have never had someone care as much about me as she does. She wants to do things for me that I don't want to have to do. She wants to take burdens off of my shoulders. She wants to be the one that makes me smile every morning. It is amazing. She seriously WANTS to take care of us. Every day. For all the rest of our days. It amazes me.

But this....is about Lorelli. She is getting Lorelli's room ready for us to move there. She has decided to do it in a garden theme. It's going to be gorgeous. She and her mother went shopping this weekend and got ALLLLL kinds of stuff for L's soon-to-be room. And she has picked out the colors to paint the walls that will coordinate the room. It's amazing. Jennifer has all these plans and ideas and they aren't JUST plans and ideas. She is putting them into motion.

After all...there are only 77 days until we move to New York. It is fast approaching.

Here are some pictures of the stuff for Lorelli's room.

I am bothered

2010-04-25T22:13:00.002-04:00

Were you guys science nerds like I was in high school? Do you remember that show, Quantum Leap? How about one of you lovely, faithful, kind-hearted readers do me a favor? One of you, please, jump into my body and help me out. I have yet to tell the babysitters that Lorelli and I are moving in less than 80 days.

I know...I know...I still have time. But, no....really. These are not just babysitters to Lorelli and me. They are practically family. Lorelli is definitely family to them. They have a whole wall devoted to her (well, 1/2 a wall) photos over the years. They have offered me, on several different occasions, a place to stay if I needed it. They have shown us nothing but kindness and love and affection. Life here in Georgia would not have been near as bearable without them. And I have no idea how I would have made it through the last four years without them.

So....telling them that I am moving is going to basically be telling them that I am taking their grandchild away from them. And I know it is going to break their hearts. And I hate the thought of that.

But I also know that I deserve to be happy. And Jennifer is who makes me happy. And I can not sacrifice my happiness for others' happiness any longer.

SO....who wants to help me out???

Jennifer in Atlanta

2010-04-22T10:18:00.003-04:00

I am sooo behind...but the reason is...I HAVE AN A IN ALL 3 OF MY CLASSES RIGHT NOW!! I have really been putting a lot of effort into my classes and studying. Even in A&P I am rocking a 97. :-) I made a 99 on the 1st test which is a FAR cry from the 68 I made on the first test LAST term!!!

OK....I left you with the drive Monday evening, right?

That started out fun. We left so late because we had enjoyed the day so much with my Toby. Then we left Toby to go to the James Avery store to look at rings. We discovered that because my ring is not exactly straight across, I will not be able to wear my engagement ring and my wedding ring on the same finger. Its a big bummer. But I will get over it.

We finally left Arlington sometime around 9 pm. This meant that we had approximately a 13 hour trip back to Atlanta. After we had already been awake and hanging out all day long. YIKES!!! I drove first and let Jennifer get a little bit of sleep for a while. She picked up the second leg from about midnight to 7 or so. Then I drove again until we got home. We would have been home sooner but FIFTEEN MILES FROM HOME there was a big old wreck on the highway (of course) and we were stuck in STOPPED traffic. But FINALLY we made it home. And we all decided to lay down. And nap. L had woken up around the time of the great driving switch-off at breakfast time and she had not slept too well in the car anyway. So we laid down. And slept. For several hours.

We took L to dinner at a pizza buffet on Tuesday night. At one point I say Jennifer looking around with a look of bewilderment or awe or horror...I wasn't quite sure which. So I asked her. And she said something along the lines of it is a far cry from what she is used to seeing in Ithaca and was a bit overwhelmed by the chaos of it all. I simply look forward to the day when I can escape from all of the chaos here and live a bit more of a laidback life. Atlanta is not near the bustle of DFW - but it is still fast paced enough to make you dizzy some days.

Wednesday we were kinda lazy throughout the day. We stayed around the house cleaning and unpacking and spending time together. After naptime we started preparing dinner for a couple of my friends to come over and enjoy with us and meet Jennifer. We (she) grilled pork chops and turkey chops (actually turkey breast cutlets). We had a yummy fruit salad with an orange cream cheese fruit drizzle. There was asparagus and spinach garlic parmesan rice. It was a DELICIOUS dinner. And my friends all loved Jennifer. Even more than that, they loved US together. The conversation was lighthearted and fun. And there was never a dull moment nor lull in conversation.

Thursday we hung around the house for a while. Went and got the dance clothes from the babysitter's house. On the way out, Jennifer and Lorelli were playing around - Jennifer carrying L around. As I was stepping to the side to move out of the way, Jennifer stepped on my foot. As is natural instinct, I tried to pull my flip flopped foot out from under her sneakered foot. In the process, I twisted my foot somehow. And thus...my toe was broken. It is quite a painful thing. (A month later it is still painful but not dire any longer) We then went to Fry's and talked to a few people and introduced my FIANCE to my old co-workers. We took L to dance class and watched her not focus and not do all the dances right. (Recently, her dance instructor passed away and they are now working with a new instructor and its a bit stressful on all parties involved. Especially since they are having to learn new dances since Ms Debbie had not shared the dances they were working on with anyone.) We did a little shopping afterward. I actually went into Dots and did not buy ONE SINGLE thing because we were ALLLL tired and ready for a nap. Thursday night we drove out to Athens to meet the final 1/4 of Julonberisse, MizzPanter. We had a lovely evening for the most part. I was told how incredibly awesome my incredibly awesome fiance was (is). I met Sir LeSigh. We had fries with Feta Dressing. MMMMM Good convo. Silly pictures were taken, of course. And, oh yeah, I was limping hard core by then due to the broken toe. We ended up parting ways with Beautiful Classy MizzPanter sometime around 3 I think and made our way home.

Friday, we made a picnic and went to the park with L. Jennifer and Lorelli played together and had some gooood bonding time. They played on the swings. Hung upside down on this big climbing thing. They played with bubbles. They played fetch (L's idea). And we lounged about together some more.

I had such a great time with my two girls. It was amazing. I think the week went better than we could have planned it. Lorelli and Jennifer bonded. I really felt as if we would DEFINITELY be able to make one cohesive family unit.

Jennifer got back on an airplane Satursay morning. We all three cried. Hard. Big old tears. But, that morning Jennifer bought Lorelli and me some tickets to NY for May 6-10. We are going up there to register Lorelli for Kindergarten. And for Mother's Day. It should be an amazing time. I can not wait. And it made it a tad bit more bearable to let her go, knowing that I would definitely be seeing her in 6 weeks. :-)

SIIIIIGH

2010-04-07T11:13:00.011-04:00

So....vaca update from two weeks ago. Sorry it has taken so long, but I am a busy girl. I started school right after she left. I had to go back to work. I am hobbling around on a broken toe. And I am an engaged woman and life is just....SWELL!!! (And a bit different)

Saturday...well you know how that went. We finally made it to my momma's house around 11:30 or midnight and it was snowing in DFW. AGAIN!! We got my sleepy kiddo from her grandma's house where she had been for the last week and headed on over to my Toby's house. It was a long, emotional, exciting, fun day. But I was DEFINITELY ready to get there and get to SLEEP. For the first time as a FIANCE. :-) *SIGH*

Sunday, L, of course, woke up early. That's what she does. She came and crawled in bed with us and chatted and laid there and was her cute, little, sleepy self. We were all excited because we had a BUSY day ahead of us. L was going to be staying with Larry (Toby's husband) and their girls while Toby, Jennifer and I went to Razzoo's for some GATOR PUNCH and FRIED PICKLES! We were going to pick up Jennifer's friends that had driven from Austin the night before and I was going to meet them for the first time. Then we were meeting a couple of MY friends at the restaurant. Just a big get to know you, hanging out, leisurely time together.

Later Sunday after the lunch and drinks we went and picked up Lorelli and then drove ALLL THE WAAAYYY ACROSS TOWN to meet up with my awesome (NOW IRL) friends, Julie and Kimber. And my kiddo hung out with their kiddo. We talked about each other. And how very "SURREAL" it was to be actually sitting with each other after becoming such close friends over the last year or so. We talked about MckMama. We talked about the missing component of JULONBERISSE. We just talked. In person. Together. It was amazing. And far too short of a visit. :-(

And then there was Sunday night dinner. Twenty or so amazing people that mean everything to me joined us in celebrating our engagement. It really was a special night. I had a new dress. My fiance was wearing my shoes. Lorelli was beautiful. The food was amazing. It was an incredible evening and I am so blessed to have been able to have shared it with everyone.

Monday, we had planned on leaving early(ish) to make our way back to Georgia, but since it was such a beautiful day we did what you are supposed to do on gorgeous days. WENT SHOPPING, OF COURSE!! Oh, we also had lunch outside with Toby, and played with the kiddos and stuff. hehehehe

We left late Monday evening and drove through the night to get back to Georgia. That is going to have to be a whole other post. I am sleepy. But make sure you come back. There are at least two more posts forthcoming...one in which I will explain the picture below...

2010-04-01T22:19:00.002-04:00

OHMYGOODNESS OHMYGOODNESS OHMYGOODNESS!!!

So, I know its early on...BUT...I just had to tell all of you avid and enraptured readers of mine that right now...I have an A in Anatomy. Never mind that there have only been 3 homework assignments thus far. I am taking every victory, no matter how small it it. I need it. I beat myself up pretty darn bad two weeks ago when I got a D in that class. My lovely FIANCE said that all my close peeps were on suicide watch. I promise it wasn't THAT bad. But I was really low. But this term I am not going down like that. I am going to study my behind off. And I WILL (I hope) make an A in this stinkin class. :)

Oh...I am also taking Intro to Sociology which seems like it will be fairly interesting. And I am taking Intro to Microcomputers, which I believe will bore me to tears.

April Fools!

2010-04-01T19:29:00.002-04:00

If you were a bit confused by today....GOOD!!! You were supposed to be.

pBd is an AWESOME blog and you should go check it out. I did not really sell my blog to her. I love you guys and would never sell you. Unless the price was right. And it wasn't. Really.

As soon as I get into a groove with these new classes I will be back to blog about Jennifer's trip down here to Atlanta, our trip to Texas, and our trip back to Atlanta.

There was lots of hand holding, crying, kissing, playing, sunshine, clouds, DRIVING, food, friends, shopping, cooking, napping, and BONDING!!!!!

Blog World Domination by Dumb Mom

2010-04-01T00:01:00.000-04:00

Hello everyone, I am Dumb Mom (yes, THE Dumb Mom), and I’m here representing ~~the bestes blog eva~~ parenting BY dummies.

I have been an active member of the blogging community since December, 2008, which means I am coming up on my 18 month blog-a-versary.

I have experienced some success with my blog (you know stuff that matters like followers, traffic, comments, Google page rank), but nothing to really write home about (not that I have to since my mother stalks my blog shamelessly).

But, I haven’t gotten to the point where I feel accomplished or truly successful as a blogger (aka the point at which the money begins to roll in).

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t live in Crazy Blogger Delisuionalville so I know that I’m not likely to be the next Dooce (no PPD ravings here) or the next Pioneer Woman (no sexy cowboy hubby either), but you know, I kinda would like to be a respected member of the blogging community.

And, I’m sorta sick of waiting for my content to make it happen for me.

Plus, I don’t know anybody (‘cause you know, blogging, like real life, is a lot about who you know), at least not anybody who ~~likes me~~ wants to ~~let me ride their coattails to the top~~ support my “brand”.

So I came up with a new plan.

A plan to ensure blog-world domination in as little as 6 weeks.

A genius plan really.

To eliminate to competition and ~~make people like me~~ catapult me to the top.

Buying blogs!

That’s right people, B-U-Y-I-N-G them.

I figured that one of the main obstacles standing in the way of my become-a-popular-blogger-so-people-will-pay-me plan is that the market is becoming a bit saturated.

It’s getting too hard to have a blog.

Now you have to worry about annoyingly time consuming junk like personal branding, SEO, building a blog community, and other stuff I’ll let you know about when I figure out what it is.

And. You need a niche.

A niche that is supported by good content.

I don’t have a niche (unless you call being a suckit mom who is strangely funny a niche), or time to think about my brand, or brains to master SEO.

So, I’m taking the easy way out…MONEY.

It may not be able to buy you love (which I’m not sure I agree with) but it can buy you blogs, because everyone needs it and most of us like it (which is more than I can say for my blog).

So the other night when I sat down to do my figuring, I figured that what I need to do is get some cash, find some in-the-market-for-some-cash bloggers, and give it to them to ~~to go away~~ let me be the creative director on their sites.

Basically they post about me and me related material and all is well.

And, guess what?!

It worked!

I’ve turned 12 of them so far!

So instead of reading about Mama B’s peanut butter life, or Angie’s Seven Clowns, or Jen’s Hipness, or KMama’s Daily Dribbles, or Marf Mom’s Marfan, or When SHE became her mom, or Being a former Fatty, or how HER Life Gone Awry, or Amy’s B Hole, or Supah’s Adventures, or Faemom’s Faeness?, or Chicken Nugget’s Wisdom, or even Sunday’s Extreme Parenthood, you get to read about moi.

Before they sign off ~~for good~~ for the duration of their written-in-blood contracts they have each written one last post for you here: parenting BY dummies.

I urge you to give them a chance to explain why they’ve ~~sold you out to The Man (The Man being ME)~~ succumbed to the Dumb.

Come on over and say adios to your beloved bloggers. MWAHAHAHA!!!

P.S. I am currently not on the hunt for other blogs to dominate as I have run into a bit of an issue with my blog-world-domination budget plan. #therecessionisruiningeverything

Lesson Learned : Never Say Never

2010-03-28T20:11:00.005-04:00

You are "looking" at a girl who is eating crow. But in the best way. This is a pie I DO NOT mind eating. On Saturday, sometime around 9 pm, I took back every last negative thing I had to say...

On Saturday, sometime around 9 pm, at the Texas state line, my girlfriend got down on one knee, in the freezing cold, and asked me to be her wife.

She chose the state line because we are both displaced Texans. We met through a friend that still lives in Texas. And we both had to move to the other side of the country to be able to find a "sweet southern girl."

The words that came out of her mouth were the sweetest things that I could ever have asked to hear. I don't know that there has ever been a more romantic proposal made to anyone. Even the movies could not have made this look or sound any sweeter. The actual words are for my ears only, but let me tell you this...she did say that I am someone that she never believed that she would find and that her life has not been the same since the day we came into each others' lives. There was a big long exceptionally thought out super sweet speech. Then she went down on one knee in the soggy grass. When she asked me to please marry her it brought me to tears. Then, my knees buckled. And I sat right down on her one knee lap. And she asked me to "please, just say yes."

And, of course, I did...

Real Quick

2010-03-27T11:05:00.001-04:00

Just a quick picture post. Will post more about the vacation later. *SMOOCHES*

Countdown

2010-03-19T12:38:00.005-04:00

I am beginning the countdown. It is now less than 20 hours until Jennifer lands in Atlanta. It is about 30 hours until I see my kiddo again.

I have missed both of these girls immensely, lately.

Lorelli is having soooo much fun at my momma's house. There have not been tooo many problems. My mother did tell me that she has sharing issues and has "only-child syndrome." To which I replied, "DUH! She's an only child." She also apparently has a bit of a smart mouth sometimes. To which I replied, "DUH! She's MY child." These things do not bother me. Whatever. She is growing up and becoming her own little individual person. She rarely has to share things because she IS an only child. And I allow her to question things. A lot. It helps her learn. And you have to be somewhat snarky and smart-mouthed to put up with me. It's part of the deal. Here are some pics of her trip, thus far.

First trampoline experience

The love of cousins. In an outfit my mother bought. And her black boots!!!

Playing with Play-Doh.

Exhausted from a full day of play with the boy cousins.

At her abuela's house

I got my grades in from school. My English professor LOVED me. He sang my praises throughout the entire semester. "Your writing is strong and of an easy style that suggests you're a natural writer." "...some of the best I've read, so I've no doubt of your future success. You're talented." "This is an absolutely excellent essay..." A girl needs to have her ego massaged every so often. Especially when I was doing so poorly in my A&P class. Which, by the way, I did not pass. I made a D in Anatomy. I am done being upset about this. I will just re-take the course. And I will do umpteen times better this upcoming term than last term. That is, If I can get into the class. It is FULL. But, I just checked and there are several spots opening up. Cross your fingers for me that I can get into an evening class. I need it. Oh, and Algebra...I passed that, of course. I wasn't worried. That class just gets on my nerves. I was irritated at even having to take it.

I am in full swing of vacation mode now. I don't want to work. It is BEAUTIFUL outside today. And now...on the radio...The Pina Colada song. heheh But anyway....so I pick up my girlfriend from the airport at 8 am tomorrow and we leave the airport and start driving to Texas. We should be to my mom's house by 8pm tomorrow and then my dear girlfriend will have to meet my family. *GASP* I am nervous about that. Not because of her but because of them. I am soooo different than the rest of them. That's one of the reasons I am glad to live so far away. I just have trouble identifying with all of them sometimes. Oh well. Then its on to my TOBY'S house to sleep. And things. *snicker* Sunday I am meeting her best friend.
We are going to Razzoo's. If you don't know this place, you absolutely should!! Then some shopping...YIPPPEEEEE!!! Then a BIG DINNER Sunday night at a really delicious Italian restaurant. Lots of people are coming. I am so excited. This saves us from having to drive all over town and visit lots of people. We can visit with lots of people all at once. It should be a ton of fun. Monday I get to meet my awesome bleep and 1/4 of Julonberisse, Mama4Real. I am hoping to be able to meet the other 1/4 of Julonberisse, Kimber, sometime over the weekend if its in the cards. Perhaps going to Watershed Tuesday sometime because it is owned by one of the Indigo Girls. We are having people over for dinner to the apartment on Wednesday night. Thursday, we are going to hang out with the oh so funny and awesome Lona. Friday and Saturday will be just chilling and enjoying each other and Lorelli. :-) Its a lot to smush into so few days, but we are going to do our best.

Gotta get back to work. Watch my Twitter for vacation updates. :-) *SMOOCHES*

I Heart Faces - "Bundled Up"

2010-03-16T09:06:00.003-04:00

Head on over to I <3 Faces by clicking the link above. Check out everyone else's entries. You'll not believe your eyes. Haven't entered in a while, but I knew there was a perfect photo for this week. It was tough for me to choose just one. There were two that I really loved. I chose this one because it showed more of her face.

Real Quick

2010-03-12T09:44:00.002-05:00

Last night Lorelli and her daddy left for Texas. My baby will be apart from me until NEXT Saturday, the 20th. She is spending this weekend with her dad and his family. He will be dropping her off at my mom's house on Monday morning when he leaves to come back to Atlanta. She is going to be spending all of next week with her grandmother and cousins, who happen to be on Spring Break. I am a bit nervous about this. If you know me, you know I have trouble getting along with my mother. We have very different parenting styles. She yells way more than I do. She does not really believe in time out. But...Lorelli won't get an opportunity again like this for a while, so I am having to swallow my fears and jsut let my daughter go and enjoy her time. I am sure that she will have a blast. I am excited for her.

I am also excited for me. I have the whole apartment to myself this weekend. This would normally leave me lots of sleeping time and movie time and book time, but this weekend it is going to afford me the ability to study my ass off for my anatomy final next week. I spent last night alone in the house and I have to admit it was a bit surreal. I have not slept completely alone in a house in over 3.5 years. I may have gone to sleep alone previously, but I knew that someone would {hopefully} eventually be coming home. It makes me inexplicably happy to know that soon (though not soon enough) I will not have to worry about that ever again.

As for the exam, I really need to do well to be able to pull a somewhat decent grade out of the hat. I DO not want to take that class again. I have already registered for the next semester of the class and there are no open slots next term for A&P I. So, I am crossing my fingers, buckling down, and am going to spend the next 72 hours almost fully immersed in Anatomy and Physiology.

Last night I really let A&P get to me. I sent a message to a couple friends of mine and told them how CRUSHED I was that I was making poor grades. This is not something I am familiar with at all. I was never the girl in school to make bad grades. School was not difficult for me. This...THIS has been difficult. I don't know that the topic is all that difficult as it is just draining on me to try and give 100% to work, school, Jennifer, Lorelli, and me all at once. That's 500%. I don't have 500% to give. I could do and 2 or 3 of those in combination I think. But all 5 of those PLUS the added stress of living with AD and not getting what I expected has nearly caused me to buckle under the weight. No ONE person is expecting too much from me, but I expect a lot from me. Thankfully, I have awesome friends who had nothing but encouraging words and thoughts for me. But the coolest part??? My totally awesome bloggy friend, Julie, actually CALLED me. ON THE PHONE!! For the FIRST time ever. It was so cool. I got big old tears in my eyes and a knot in my throat as I listened to her tell me not to get down on myself because she thinks I am doing a great job. She believes in me and believes in what I am trying to do. It was definitely what I needed at the time. THANK YOU, JULIE!!!!

And that's all she wrote folks.

Past time to post

2010-03-09T12:31:00.005-05:00

This is what I was informed of today. :-) So, I am posting. It will be short. And to the point. :-)

School...is going. I am way overwhelmed. I didn't expect it to be so difficult. But...working and going to school and being a single mom (I am still claiming this title for now because I really get very little help) is just REALLY killing me. My grades are nowhere near where they should be. I have finals this week and next. I am just praying to make it through!!!

Work...is work. It is somewhat demanding. We have been banned (I think I told you all this) from internet apps. :-( It saddens me. But I still keep up with you guys on my breaks, not to worry. And also, perhaps, when no one is looking. But probably not. {If anyone is looking, right now}

Lorelli...is no longer sick with the plague, or whatever strep shit that she had. She is moving on. {And she sent the evilness my way) She had a busy outside park playing weekend since it was BE-A-U-TIFUL this past weekend in Atlanta. She played on the slides and on the swings and in the tree bark. She rode her bike. She LOOOVED IT!!!! She is getting bigger and older and I don't like it one bit some days. Today (and yesterday)...she made the two of us breakfast (Oh..and her dad, too...but whatever...this is MY blog). Buttered toast. It was the sweetest thing ever. On the one hand I was all, "Awww look what my baby can do now." On the other hand I was all, "*SOB* Awww...Look what my baby can do now. *SOB*"

Jennifer...will be here in ELEVEN DAYS!!!! Yippee. Wooohooo!!! I am only a *wee* bit excited. We are driving to Texas so she can meet my best friends and family. I am a bit nervous. But I will get over it. It is sooo awesome. Then we will be back in Atlanta. We have dinner with friends planned. An Athenstravaganza. A movie night. A museum day with Lorelli (hopefully). And lots of cuddling and canoodling. hehehe I just love the word canoodling. It makes me snicker.

OH...and you are probably wondering...about the recent trip to Ithaca. I had a blast. An absolutely wonderful time. I FINALLY got into Ithaca sometime around midnight instead of shortly after ten, due to the snow in Ithaca. When I got there...there were flowers waiting. In her hand at the airport, and also back at the house. And flannel jammies with CUPCAKES ON THEM!!! I made breakfast the next morning of pancakes, eggs, and turkey sausage. We went to the elementary school where Lorelli will be attending. We discovered that we will be the first...non-traditional...family enrolled in the after-school program (that is one HILARIOUS story). I made cupcakes for her work and took them to her on Friday, which means I drove around town by myself a little bit. I made an AWESOME dinner for us on Friday night which she ABSOLULTELY loved (or faked really well). We watched the Time Traveller's Wife (which I absolutely loved - and cried through). Saturday there was shopping. Sunday there was brunch and deer and weird queso with olives in the bottom of it. And Monday...there was goodbye. Again. I hate that part!!!! But, like I said...it was an amazing time...and she will be here in ELEVEN DAYS!!! So, before I leave you...here are some pictures from the trip.

Tiii-iii-iii-iiime Is On My Side - Yes, It Is

2010-02-12T09:32:00.004-05:00

So, whatcha doing this lovely Friday morning? Hanging out at home due to a snow day? Fervently watching the news so that you are kept abreast of the impending snow doom? Sitting at work and reminding yourself that its FINAL-FUCKING-LY Friday??? All those sound like very viable options. :)

Oh, what am I doing? Nothing. Just sitting here in Hicksville, USA in traffic court. Awaiting my fate to be handed me by an assistant district attorney. Hoping that he will take pity on me. Praying that the blue button-up that I am wearing compliments my blue (at least today) eyes enough that he is willing to reduce my speeding ticket and dismiss my suspended license citation. :) Yes, I ama a rebel.

So, while I am sitting 7 rows back and waiting ever so patiently I thought I would blog. Just a bit. :) I dont really have much going on.

I am making a C in my Anatomy class. :( My 2nd exam was better than my first exam and I am feeling more comfortable about the upcoming exam, so I guess thats saying something. I have an Algebra midterm that must be finished by midnight tonight. And an English paper that needs to be worked on that is due on Monday. Whew! No wonder I am tired.

Lorelli is going through some CRAZY thing right now where she thinks its okay to yell and scream at the authority figures in her life. Which it is soooooooo not okay. She has taken to not listening and doing what she wants to. Its irritating, to say the least.

I wore a size 16 jeans on Thursday. And man, I have to tell you, I wore those jeans WELL!!! I havent worn those since before I was pregnant with Lorelli. Thats was like 5 years ago. Do you know what that feels like? You can!!! I promise.

Thats it. Just checking in with you guys. I have been grounded from all modes of communication while at work. No texting. Tweeting. FBing. Blogging. Chatting. Nothing. Apparently, when I am there, they want me to focus on work. I don't even know. hehehehe

So...just know that I miss you. And I love you. And I need love from youm. So comment away. Please? :)

Things are moving in the right direction and I am loving it

2010-02-10T13:55:00.002-05:00

I sent this as an email to a few of you - but I am posting it. I am happy with the progression of things. If only they would progress a little bit faster. :-)

SO...things with Jennifer and I are moving along WONDEFULLY!!!

I am moving up there, to New York, in the first part of September. This has been decided. At first, AD was NOOOOOOT happy about it. And I completely understand. I would rather he move up there with us, but he can not leave his job right now. He makes WAAAAY good money and has INCREDIBLE benefits (one of which being free insurance for our daughter) that can not be beat right now. Especially not in this economy. So he will be here, at least for the foreseeable future.

He IS starting to cooperate a tad bit more about the move to York, though. He was doing some research and discovered that, since New York schools start so much later in September, as opposed to early August like we do here in the south, that Lorelli will most likely be able to start school THIS September as opposed to next September. {Note : her birthday is Sept 3 which puts her after the cutoff date of Sept 1 in the south}

We both believe she is ready for school. She knows sign language. She can sound words out and is starting to read. She can write. She knows colors. She has AWESOME word recognition. She knows her address. I know it sounds like I am bragging (I am a little bit) but I am really just saying that I am ecstatic that she will hopefully be starting school this fall.

So, due to this new news (I love saying that - new news - it makes me snicker) he has begun to cooperate and be less hateful about the move. He/we definitely want the best for Lorelli and we both agree that being IN SCHOOL is going to be much better for her than not.

Basically, the time line looks like this:
NEXT WEEK!!! I am going to New York for another childless vacation for 5 days
March - Jennifer will be coming down to GA for 9 days. We will spend 3 of those in Texas WITH LORELLI (this will be their first meeting) so she can meet my friends (mama4real) and my family.
May - Lorelli and I will meet Jennifer at the halfway point of Lexington, VA
July - Lorelli and I will go for a whole week to NY for my 30th {EGADS} birthday
September - I will finish with classes the first week. Jennifer is flying down from NY to help us pack everything up. AD (yes you read that right) and Jennifer and Lorelli and I will drive to NY with all our stuff. AD will stay there for a couple days because right after we get there - school will be starting and he ABSOLUTELY wants to see her off on her first day of school. Then he will go back home.
December - Lorelli will go with her daddy to Mexico for Christmas with his grandparents and aunts and uncles.

Not Me! Monday

2010-02-08T00:48:00.003-05:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week. But only AFTER you read my post, of course.

I am NOT writing this post at 1 a.m. I would never stay up so late knowing I have SUCH a busy week ahead of me. That is ridiculous.

I did NOT stay up until midnight retaking my stinkin' Algebra exam only to get a worse score than I had originally. What the eff would that be about? No way did that happen in MY house.

I did NOT take the Algebra test so late because I absolutely refused to do any school related work yesterday. I did not laze about watching movies and playing on the computer and chatting with friends. Nope. I am super responsible and always adhere to the idea that work must be completed before playtime.

While I was NOT lazing about on a Saturday (and a lot of today, also), I did NOT stay in pajammies. And its a good thing because they were definitely NOT the pajammies that I put on Friday night when I got home from work.

I am NOT so in awe of some of the people I follow in bloggy land and on Twitter that I thought it was UBER awesome for @MckMama to follow me and @barefootfoodie to say I am in her faves column. Woot Woot. That would emblazon me with the word NERD (or stalker) across my forehead.

I did NOT, for the first time since moving into the new apt, wash, dry, and fold ALLLLLL the laundry. I, of course, stay on top of this at all times. Laundry never is piled on the bed so that there is only a sliver for me to lie in at night.

I am NOT BEYOND excited that tomorrow I am finally getting my car back. I have not driven, or even sat in, my car since Christmas Day. I miss my baby. And its definitwly NOT going to cost me an arm, a leg, and perhaps YOUR first born child to get it out. Yikes!

I am NOT even more excited than that to announce (to the whole world on a regular basis) that I am going BACK to New York. For a delayed Valentine's weekend. With the woman who is so very NOT the best girlfriend ever. (Except for the part where she mocked the Denver Broncos...How Dare She?!?!)

I am NOT excited for the appearance of Le Swoon into my awesome Julonberisse's life. The three of us that were so broken this summer seem to be happy and thriving and finding ourselves waking up in a much better place in our lives.

And lastly...I am soooooo very NOT thankful for all the amazing people I have met online who have become incredible friends..You guys do NOT lift my spirits, make me laugh, cry with me, and keep me feeling strong. I mean....you're just bloggy friends....not the friends that I call (text) most often...RIGHT?!?! I do NOT absolutely love you guys.

Love/Hate

2010-01-30T21:17:00.003-05:00

I absolutely adore this picture. It was a wonderful day. I can feel the emotion from the day, the trip, the experience when I see this picture. I remember every moment. I felt completely comfortable closing my eyes. Outside. In the snow. Do you know why? Because she was holding me. She was holding me up. I see this picture everywhere. I have it on my Facebook. I have it on my phone screensaver. I have it on framed on the table next to my computer. I absolutely love this picture.

The hate part? The 939 miles between Ithaca and Atlanta. And also, the time in between our visits. BLECH! "I bite my thumb at you."

{Not So} Wordless Wednesday - Lorelli Edition

2010-01-27T11:31:00.004-05:00

Welcome to this week's {NOT SO} Wordless Wednesday. It is Wednesday, right? I don't even know. It has to be Wednesday. I had loooooong class last night. Ok. Here we go. :-)

A very sleepy faced Lorelli in her shirt from Jennifer.
Sleepy baby laid out in Mommy's bed. As she has been every night for the last 9 days.

I love you so much, Mommy. Thanks for letting me wear your brand new hat with my brand new coat.
Poor thing. Taking her nap under my desk at work during the week she came with me.

Just reading a book. You know. Like you DO!

Sun And Snow

2010-01-26T14:16:00.005-05:00

SO, over at Crazy Hip Bloggers they are hosting a Take It Tuesday. Basically, a themed photo day. :-) You knooooooow I love photos, right? Today's topic is Sun And Snow. Head over there to see who else is posting cool pictures.

One of my favorite park pictures of my baybay - Sun - no Snow

SnowMan Jack - Snow and Sun

Me and Jennifer - Sun AND Snow

Written in one of the first snows of the year -- Snow - no sun

A bit overwhelmed

2010-01-24T21:36:00.003-05:00

I have just been soooo busy. I hope you don't feel like I have abandoned all of you. I have not. I am reading you as often as possible. I am trying to leave sporadic comments. I am keeping up with you all on Twitter. And Facebook. Its just that...I am online all day at work. And then I am online all evening at home for school. Or I am in school. UGH!!! It is all just almost too much for me to deal with.

School has consumed waaaaay more time than I was expecting it to. My online classes are requiring more work than my A&P class is. Its like because they don't see me twice a week that they need to pile that much more work on top of me. I even missed a deadline on an english paper. I turned it in within 24 hours, but still...I missed a deadline. Also...I made a D on my A&P test. I made a D?!?!?!?!? How does that even happen? It was a hard day that day but ohmygoodness....I was good at A&P in high school. I don't make Ds on exams. But...I am trying not to freak out about it. I did spend a good portion of Thursday freaked out... I know, I just need to find a good routine. Unfortunately, it almost seems like that routine is going to be studying every every single night for hours on end, which will mean that there is no time for my child.

I already feel like a giant MOMFAIL lately for having her daddy take care of her over the weekend last weekend when I was inundated with assignments. I hate that he gets to pick her up on Tuesdays because I don't get home until eleven o'clock. I miss hanging out with my kiddo in the evenings. I miss snuggle time at night. I hate having to hear her get distraught at bedtime, as she tends to do, when daddy puts her to bed. But I can not just step in and step on his toes. This is probably why I have not shooed her back in to her own bed when she comes crawling into mine in the middle of the night. I loooove cuddly time. I love waking up to her little hand on my face and her breath in my ear. It makes it difficult to roll over, but its totally worth it.

On top of that...I am just BORED at my job. I hate being bored. I like variety. We are busy. But its the same thing day in and day out. BLAH BLAH BLAH!!! Even when I am really busy - it is the same thing - its invoicing - and new hires - and commissions. Its not anything different - ever.

{Not So} Wordless Wednesday - Ithaca version

2010-01-13T11:20:00.004-05:00

Welcome to this week's edition of {not so} Wordless Wednesday. I will regale you with more photos. :-) I haven't written my vacation blog because I still miss her too much to make it all the way through without crying. Will get there. I promise.

This is us on Monday, my supposedly last full day in Ithaca. Just casual. We went and saw Sherlock Holmes. Went and got some pictures developed. Just spent the day kinda hanging out together.

This was New Year's Day at her mother's house. We had yummy food. It was a beautiful, albeit chilly, day. We went and walked around the little Commons area after this. Went to Taughannock Falls. Took pictures. Had a wonderful start to the new year.

This is for Sara. If you have to be surrounded by John Deere...it might as well be pink!!!

Before seeing Sherlock Holmes we did some clothes browsing. I think she looks so cute in argyle. :-)

Despite popular belief, this is not a chocolate cake piled high with yummy frosting...it is however a shrub piled high with beautiful, glittery, powdery snow.

Also New Year's Day - in her momma's house.

The drinks that didn't fit in the fridge, just cooling their behinds in the snow.

Ithaca

2010-01-12T11:48:00.003-05:00

I know I promised stories and pictures and thoughts and everything. I just have not had the time. I have been running around all crazy. Taking care of my car. Straightening out my license. Starting classes at Gwinnett Tech. Missing my girlfriend. Playing and reconnecting with my kiddo. Doing laundry. Getting back to work. Studying. And on and on and on....

But, I did have an amazing time. I was so nervous getting there. What if Virginia was a fluke? What if we didn't have an amazing time? What if her friends didn't like me? What if...EGADS...her mother didn't like me? I was a wreck. The moment we landed in Ithaca, I texted some of my close friends and told them I was so nervous. They all told me to calm down (thanks, guys) and just go be with the woman of my dreams. So...I did. I tried to, at least. I took a deep breath. Went down the steps of the airpane (yes DOWN. THE. STEPS.). Walked into the airport...and started scanning the "crowd" for my new love. AND THEN....

THERE SHE WAS!!! Waiting for me. Looking for me. Smiling directly at me. Holding a cute little pink NY ball cap. Waiting for me to see her. I got a big lump in my throat. I got big tears in my eyes. And all my nervousness dissipated. I knew I was where I was supposed to be. And I knew that my week was going to be amazing and unforgettable.

I finally made the 500 ft to Jennifer. She grabbed me and hugged me and squeezed me. I did everything I could to just breather her in and not cry. I succeeded for the most part. I didn't cry. I got teary. And I did manage to breathe. :-)

That one moment set up the entire week. It was incredible and amazing. I can not wait to go back. I eagerly anticipate being back by her side...

But for now, I gotta get back to work. I just wanted to let you know how it started.

What did I do?

2010-01-06T12:23:00.002-05:00

So, before I tell you all about my vacation - let me tell you why I am glad 2009 is over. I am going to take this as a sign that 2010 is going to be waaaaayyy better than 2009 ever was.

So, you guys all read my blog. I don't have to rehash what a tumultuous year the last one was. If you don't read me - then GO read me. I am interesting, I promise. I will make you laugh. You might cry. You will be overwhelmed. You might think I complain too much. Whatever. I am interesting.

Let me just tell you about New Year's Eve/Old Year's End!!!

You should probably sit down.

No, really...SIT!!!!

Ok...

MY MOTHER EFFING CAR WAS STOLEN FROM MY APARTMENT PARKING LOT!!!!! The same car that has been sitting there since at least Christmas Day. Can you believe it???

And, of course, since I am 900+ miles away, I can not file a police report because I am not there for them to speak to. I am more than welcome to grant Lorelli's father power of attorney so that HE can file a police report for me. Ummm...no thank you.

I DID call the insurance company and report my car stolen that evening, though. To at least get it on record and get the process started. Thank goodness.

On Monday, I got a call from a Detective Johnson, who wished to speak with me in regards to a vehicle that I may or may not own. Apparently, they found my car. Abandoned. It was involved in a hit and run. WHAT?!?!?! But, I do not have any details other than that because he can not discuss it with me except in person because there is no way to guarantee that I am who I really say I am. So, I have to call him and make an appointment to go down to the police station and talk to him and I guess file a police report and all the fun stuff that goes along with that. I just hope no one was hurt. And that my insurance will cover everything. UGH!! Such a pain in the booty.

So...like I said...here is to hoping that that particular event is signifying the END of a bad year!!!

I am sooo looking forward to the beginning of this year.

I will blog later about my awesome Ithaca vacation. I got to stay one extra day because my flight yesterday was cancelled. Have spent the day just kind of hanging out in the apaprtment and catching up on all of you guys' blogs. Or trying to. :-)

Yippee!!!!

2009-12-31T13:51:00.007-05:00

*LLLLLEEEEEEE SIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH*

Ok...I figured I could do a quick post since I am here in the apartment by myself. LE SIGH had to work today. My original plans had been to come in tonight at 9:30ish but when I bought my tickets, it was approximately $70 dollars cheaper for me to spend an extra day here. So, of course I took it. :-)

Those of you that follow me on Twitter (and Facebook for the most part) were kept abreast of practically my every move, starting when I woke up way earlier than I had planned on waking up. And it didn't end until I got here. I had to keep myself occupied or I would have gone crazy counting the hours and minutes until I was finally here. :-)

I am glad I did the online check-in on Tuesday because the lines were a little ridiculous for a Wednesday morning, I thought. But all I had to do was drop my suitcase off at the luggage check-in and then stroll past the ticketing agents and customer service desks right back to security. That took a while to get through, though. Thankfully, most of the people at the airport were still on a Christmas high so they were all in jolly good spirits. My bag got chosen for a random check once we went though security. Because I look like your typical terrorist with my preppy white button up and my glasses, apparently.

At the Detroit airport, I found a nice corner tucked away from everyone where I could plug my phone in and get online. I had been able to experience wi-fi onboard the airplane and sent a couple updates from way up in the air which I thought was kind of nifty. Because I am easily pleased. Finally, the plane that would be taking me to Ithaca arrived at the gate. I do believe it was the smalelst plane I have ever been on. I am spoiled to the LARGE palnes that cart me back and forth between Atlanta and Dallas. This was definitely NOT one of those. It was 2 seats on each side - and maybe 25 seats long. There was only 1 flight attendant. Totally new experience for me, but not bad at all.

Alas, I finally mmade it to Ithaca. TEN MINUTES EARLIER THAN EXPECTED, ALSO!!! So great. And then...I got nervous. What if this? What if that? But, I quickly got rid of those Waht If little buggers. They were utter and complete nonsense and didn't belong anywhere in my head. When I walked into the airport (we had to exit the plane via the stairs and then walk inTO the airport) I started scanning the "crowd" for my Le Sigh. AND THERE SHE WAS. Right where she said she would be. Right within my line of sight. It took everything I had not to be THAT GIRL and run and jump in to her arms. But, I held it together. I did squeal just an itty bitty bit. When I finally made it to where she was standing (all 200 feet away from where Iwas when I initially saw her) she just grabbed me and hugged me and held me there. It was A-MAZ-ING!!!

We spent a lovely evening together. Just being TOGETHER! We had dinner at a little cafe. We drove around town. We went to her place of business. It was nice and calming and fun. :-) We even fell asleep way early like 9 or so, I think. For once, I didn't even look at the clock or have the need to know what time it was.

And right now???? Oh yeah - it is snowing. A very light, small, beautiful snow.

Here are some pictures for you to enjoy for now. They are all camera phone pictures, but still enjoyable.

Me - looking like your typical terrorist wack-o.

The view of the street from Le Sigh's front door

The view of the back from the front. (heheheh that sounds kinda dirty)

The very small plane that flew me from Detroit to Ithaca,

The big long tunnel between concourses at the Detroit airport.

The view from the sky halfway between Atlanta and Detroit.

The had she bought me and had in her hands when she picked me up from the airport.

You're only a day awwwwaaayyyyyy (AKA know as Le Sigh, Part 3)

2009-12-29T10:48:00.006-05:00

It's here. It's here. IT'S HERE!!!!

Tomorrow I leave. I can not believe the countdown is pretty much over.

I am really "leaving....on a jet plane..." tomorrow morning.

I still have to find a way to pack my shoes. And my toiletries. And my camera. And my spiced tea from my best friend in the whole wide world (TOBY-Boby). The big suitcase is packed. Lots of sweaters and sweatshirts and tights and jeans and pants. I almost forgot socks - but I got them. I almost forgot pajammies, but I got them, also.

Tonightm I am getting my hair done. Last night, I painted my nails. I like them. They are girly and cute. :-)
I have decided what I am wearing tomorrow. Well, thats a lie. I think I have decided. I know what shirt, and what underclothes, and what shoes....but as for what I am wearing on my legs...on the lower half of my body...I am not sure yet. Dress slacks? Jeans? Long skirt? We shall see. I should probably decide that in the next TWELVE HOURS!!! And I already told her, my wonderful amazing beautiful LE SIGH that I am not going to tell her what I am wearing. I am not going to send her a picture (like I do most mornings). She will have to be surprised when she finally sees me at THREE P.M.!!!!!

So, here is the itinerary for the next 28 hours (only twenty eight hours...wow...i am so amazed). Work Work Work (or at least try to). Off at 4:30. Find a ride home (still have not found my car key so I am still car-less). Get hair done in comfy of my own home (5:30 ish). Pack shoes and cameras and tea and cookies and other last minute stuff (8 or 9 ish). Bathing/relaxing/shaving - try to decide what I will wear on my bottom half the next day (9ish). Le Sigh phone convo (10ish). Sleep (11ish). Wake up @ 5:30 a.m. Out of the house and at the airport by 6:30. Flight at 8:50 to Detroit. 2.5 hour layover (kinda scary - never had a layover before). Flight at 1:30 to Ithaca. LAND IN ITHACA AT 2:54 PM!!!! And from there...I don't even know. I imagine squealing and crying and laughing (that's just me I am talking about).

That's all she wrote folks. Thats all I know. All I can think about. All I can talk about. (In case you haven't noticed.)

OH OH OH - (not to be confused with Ho Ho Ho because that is over with thank goodness) - I didn't tell you THREE important things.

1. - I got a totally awesome Christmas present. My awesome girlfriend (that just sounds soooo great) got me an MP3 player. And it's...PINK!!! And...it came loaded with more than 100 awesome songs. Some of my favorite songs. Some of her favorite songs. It is so awesome. And did I mention, PINK???? *SQUEAL*
2. - She told her mother I am coming out there and that I am important and that she likes me. And her mother took it fairly well. She will probably have questions. And be judge-y. But
my Le Sigh is an only child and she has been through a lot of hurt, as we all have. And Momma is protective.

3. - I told MY mother about HER! And my mother took it VERY well. She had not had questions yet. She actually is the one who started the conversation. She said, "You know...with all the problems you have had with the men in your relationships....there are OTHER options out there." My response was, "Why do you think I am going to New York, Mother?" Her response was, "Oh. OH. Well, I thought maybe. But I didn't want to ask you outright and directly." And that was that. I am sure there will be more questions. Whatever. This is the earliest she has ever been informed of a relationship that I am in. She is probably just giddy. And a litlte shocked. She will get over it.

OK - THAT is it. Talk to you guys....later. Check in on Twitter. That will probably be the MAIN place I update until I get back. :-) I may do an update on Thursday because Le Sigh has to go to work. But we will see.

UGH I am such a girl!

2009-12-20T20:13:00.003-05:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

SOOOOOO...YEAH!!! You know the song from Rudolph, "Why am I such a misfit?I am not just a nitwit." That is definitely NOT how I felt this last week or so. I was definitely NOT loving THIS POST by my awesome bloggy friend, Marymac. I am not (really I am not) feeling unloved. I have just felt kinda like....I didn't work hard enough to earn it. This love has just fallen in my lap. I have not questioned it and wondered when someone was going to jump out and say, "Just kidding, dude!"

I have not been a super emotional mess this week while Aunt Flo has been in town. I have not been in tears more than once this week. I did not get my feelings hurt by stupid things that would have normally rolled right off my back.

My daughter did not get the coolest stuff for Christmas, mostly from my friends and her daddy. I was not the sensible mother that got her a bookshelf for her multitudes of books. And I also was not the mother who was chastised by the father of her child for not knowing how to buy presents. Whatever. I was not hurt by this. Mostly because I do NOT know that he is an insensitive (*#&&$%^$# sometimes and that there is a reason we are EXes. But, whatever.

I did not make the most awesomely delicious Snickerdoodles on Christmas Day. I did not make them after food was ready. And after we had already started eating. I did not do this because I realized I had not planned out desser because I was too busy hunting down a recipe for my Grandmother's cornbread dressing. That I did not ask my mother to send me the week prior. Three times.

And last...but definitely not least. In case you have been under a rock somewhere....I am not at all excited about the very fact that I ONLY HAVHE FORTY EIGHT HOURS UNTIL I AM IN ITHACA!!!! With the woman that I have fallen fast and hard for. With Le Sigh. For seven days. *SIGH*

Christmas meme

2009-12-17T11:19:00.002-05:00

A Christmas Meme

My awesome bloggy friend over at The Wannabe WAHM tagged me in this Christmas meme.

Have you started your Christmas shopping?
No...I am such a put offer when it comes to shopping for ~~Christmas~~ any kinds of presents. I hate to keep secrets and I get all excited about the presents and I want to see them opened right away. I just wait to shop.

Tell me about one of your special traditions.
We open one {FAMILY} present Christmas eve after dinner. We can choose whichever one it is...but we get to open one. A sort of preview for the next day's events.

Are you a Black Friday Shopper?
No way. I was in retail for 9 years. Kinda turned me off to Black Friday shopping.

When do you put up your Tree?
I actually just put it up. I have never really been THAT into putting the tree up.

Do you Travel at Christmas or Stay home?
I have stayed home every year but last year when I finally got to go home - since I am no longer working retail

What is your funniest Christmas memory?
Going to Luby's for dinner with the boyfriend and then going over to my grandmother's house. She had said she wasn't cooking and she ended up cooking a whole big spread. We HAD to eat. Couldn't tell her we had already gorged ourselves at the restaurant. I thought my stomach was going to EXPLODE!!!

What is your favorite Christmas Movie of All time?
How the Grinch Stole Christmas

Do you do your own Christmas Baking, what’s your favorite treat?
I DO my own baking. But my favorite treat was my great grandmother's peanut butter fudge. I make it now. But it is not the same.

Fake or Real Tree?
Makes no difference to me, but I have a fake one right now.

What day (as a mom) does the actual panic set in to get it all done?
I don't really panic. I like the last minute stress. And I work too much to panic.

Are you still wrapping presents on Christmas Eve?
YEP!

What is your favorite family fun time at Christmas?
Making the cookie gift bags

What Christmas craft do you like the best?
I am not crafty. I leave that to other people

Christmas music. Yes or No, and if yes What is your favorite song?
Yes - for two weeks before Christmas. I can only tolerate so much - again - I believe this comes from working retail for 9 years. Christmas music would sometimes starts after Halloween. I love 'O, Holy Night' and 'I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas'

When do you plan to finish all your shopping?
After Christmas for the people that I have to mail to

Le Sigh - Part 2

2009-12-16T11:30:00.006-05:00

And our princess knew that it HAD TO BE that night....

So, she totally pulled a stalker move and looked up our heroine's FB page to see if she had her phone number listed. AND SHE DID! So...our princess thought of something witty to say to keep her from looking like the stalker she was. She wrote a text message. She deleted it. She wrote another text message. She deleted it. She wrote another text message...reread it...changed one or two words...and hit SEND before she could change her mind. The text message read something along the lines of, "I told you I like to make the first move..." And then...she waited. But thank goodness, the heroine in this story is pretty awesome and she texted back. And she knew it was our princess texting. They texted back and forth for a little bit, but our princess had her own princess to tend to - and that little girl demanded dinner. And we had cake balls to make for the Halloween dessert table at work the next day.

That night, as our princess was putting the finishing touches on the Halloween cake balls and cleaning up, her phone rang. At 10:30 pm on 10/30. It said LE SIGH (actually, it said our heroine's name)! Our princess squealed with delight. Then her stomach got all flip floppy. Then she did a little happy dance. Then she realized she should probably answer the phone. And in her steadiest, most-nonchalant, and least GIRLIE SQUEALY voice, she began the conversation that would set the precedence for the next 100 HOURS OF TALK TIME!!!

That, friends (and I totally consider you all friends, IRL or Bleeps), is the story of how LE SIGH came into my life. But the reason she is still in my life...well they are numerous.

Le Sigh thinks that I am incredible. She calls me just to tell me that she thinks that I am amazing. She gets me. I feel important. I feel special. I feel passion. She wants me...in every definition of the word. She is affectionate. She is very intense. She laughs. She makes me smile. When she calls, my stomach gets all flip floppy. She listens to me whine and complain. She tells me I am pretty and I believe it. I accept it as truth. Sometimes it feels as if someone gave her the Cliff Notes version of the Charisse Jones manual. She is smart. And funny.

There is nothing we haven't talked about. There is nothing that I have said that I have worried about it offending her. I feel so very comfortable with her. There hasn't been an awkward silence from the first day that we started speaking. Not to say that there are not silences, but they are not awkward. They are nice and comforting and consoling.

The only down side about Le Sigh...she lives 900 miles away. In New York. NEW YORK!!! But...even that is not a big deal. It doesn't feel like a big deal. We drove to "meet" each other recently. I was so worried that there would be an awkwardness to the meeting. There was none. I was concerned that there would be no physical spark despite the mental and emotional attraction that was there. There was definitely a physical attraction. The first words out of her mouth when I made it there (2:40 in the AM) were something about how beautiful I was. After an 8 hour drive, in the rain, and getting a speeding ticket, no one is beautiful. But she thought I was.

I am so happy. I have been keeping this to myself for nearly two months now. It has been so tough. But I didn't want to take the risk that it was just a fleeting thing or that it was too good to be true. I was afraid that if I actually wrote it all out, I would wake up and it would all have been a dream. But - I know now that is not going to happen. This is true. And it is real. And it is...intense. And I love it. I have never felt like this before. Ever.

I am going to New York in two weeks to spend a six days with her. TWO WEEKS!!! I can not believe it. It is going to be so fun. And amazing. And new. And exciting. And just....GREAT!!!

On that note...I am going to bed. I just had to finish this and get it out and "on paper" and written down. I have never felt emotions and feelings this deeply before. I have to tell you, I love this girl, Jennifer. *LE SIGH*

LE SIGH - PART 1

2009-12-15T08:44:00.008-05:00

If you have talked to me (or read me) at all in the last month, you may have "heard" mention of something/someone called Le Sigh. And you may be wondering what exactly Le Sigh means or stands for. Well...Le Sigh is called such because of my awesome friend, Lona. She looooves the fact that she is Cajun. Everything is LE descriptive with her. And it’s cute. J So, when this amazing person came into my life it seemed only right to describe the feeling as Le Sigh when telling her how I was feeling.

Soooo...where to start...When we last left our princess,s you were told that she had finally OFFICIALLY informed the (now ex) RH that they were obviously not going to make it to the other side of this separation as one cohesive couple. What you weren't told was that her heart was not broken. What you weren't told was that it was very amicable and that our princess let him believe that it was his idea.

The reason our princess did not lounge about with a broken heart was because she had come to the realization quite some time before that she and he would not work. She had finally recognized that he needed her to be way less of the things that she needed him to be way more of. Part of the reason she had been able to accept this so easily was because of an incredible woman she had "met" recently.

Our princess met this story's heroine (not the drug - but perhaps just as intense) through a mutual friend. At first, there was innocent flirting. There were innuendos and insinuations and invitations (I think the 'i's have it) aplenty. Then, one night (Oct 28 for those interested in keeping track), our princess saw that our heroine was having a bad day. So, our princess decided to make a move. She contacted the heroine DIRECTLY. And they chatted for hours until neither our princess nor our heroine could keep their eyes open. They talked about their day, their lives, their friends, their lovers. No topic was off limits. There was no awkward silence. There was just good conversation. The kind that our princess longed for. The kind she had been starving for. The kind of conversation that makes you want to hug the other party and say, "Thank you so much for being my dancing partner tonight. Lets do it again sometime soon."

The next day our princess could not shake her conversation w our lovely heroine. She could not believe they had chatted for sooo long. She could not believe how many viewpoints they shared. She could not comprehend the fact that the conversation had not stopped, not once, through the entire chat. The only thing that our princess was sure of was that she HAD TO speak to our heroine again. And our princess knew that it HAD TO BE that night....

Stay tuned for more. It is late. I want to remember these events. I want to hold on to them. But I know that I will feel so much....MORE...if I just write it all down. Its how I work. So, goodnight for now.

Not Me! Monday

2009-12-14T15:00:00.000-05:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

This has NOT been a crazy/amazing/confusing/intense week.

This is the week of MomFail at my house. Let me tell you exactly what I mean.

I did not let Lorelli have popcorn and chips and salsa for dinner one night. This is what she asked for and what she was wanting. I,of course, make sure she has a very well balanced meal for dinner every single night. Two veggies, a starch, and some sort of protein are required and always present at our table.

I did not send my daughter to the babysitters in shoes with no socks because there no clean socks to be had. I am always on top of the laundry. You would know this if you read my blog on a regular basis. And I, of course, set out her clothes the night before which OBVIOUSLY led me to the realization that she had no clean socks. Which then IMMEDIATELY prompted me to don my Suzy Homemaker hat and throw some laundry in the wash.

While at the grocery store this week I did not threaten to break all of my daughters fingers offf if she could not keep her hands off of things on the shelves. I have infinite storws of patience and would never let a busy day at work carry over into my personal life. Especially not onto the angelic being that God has so blessed my life with.

I also did not tell Lorelli, a mere 2 days later, that if she didn't straighten up I was going to leave her at the devil store and let the nice couple right there in the chip aisle take her home with them.

And, last but not least by ANY means...I did not get scolded by my crying child becauseI most assuredly did not snatch the grocery sack from her hands and push her out of the way because she was whiny and crying and not putting away the vegetables like I had asked her to. She did not tell me through her big tears, "You are not supposed to push me, Mommy. You are just supposed to say please move and I will just move for you."

Not Me! Monday

2009-12-07T21:11:00.008-05:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

So....I have NOT been putting off blogging because I stare at a stinking computer screen for the better part of 8 hours a day and it KILLS my eyeballs. I love blogging. I love sharing my life with you whether you are interested or not.

I have NOT lost another couple pounds and am not down TWENTY NINE POUNDS from June. This does not excite me in the least little bit at all. Nope. Not me. This is not me then (left) and now (right).

I am not super excited about buying tickets to go to New York for New Year's. I am not (really - I am not) going to the big city for the holiday. I will be in Ithaca which houses Cornell University. I will be enjoying some beautiful snow. I will be looking at some natural waterfalls. I will be visiting the beautiful campus. Nope...not excited.

I have NOT been working my BEHIND off. My last day off work was NOT Thanksgiving day. I have not enjoyed the paychecks. I have not used every extra dollar for cool fun stuff.

I did NOT get to meet MCKMAMA!!!! When she was in Atlanta I DID NOT take Lorelli to a photo shoot with MckMama. And she is NOT anywhere near as awesome as she seems in blogland. She is SOOO much cooler. And I am nto eaiting {ever so} patiently for the pictures to come in (hopefully in the next couple days). I do NOT have photographic evidence of said meeting.

I did not freak out when I read MckMama's blog about the photo shoot and saw that MY BABY'S PHOTO was the first one she posted. :-) I did not get tears in my eyes. Nor Tweet about it. Nor Facebook about it. Not me. That would crazy. And a little obsessed. I am just saying.

Also....I have not spent nearly ONE HUNDRED HOURS on the phone in less than a month. Who talks that much? And uses enarly 5k texts? On one cell phone bill? Me that's who. Who have I been talking to? Hmmm.....LE SIGH!!! This is not a picture of beautiful roses purchased for me and given to me by afore mentioned person.

OK...stay tuned for more info. There is more coming later. I promise. But I am tired and must get to bed.

And then she was one

2009-11-22T07:36:00.002-05:00

It is done. Rob and I are over. We broke up on my lunch break on Friday. Via text. Very strange. We were "chatting" and it just kind of came to be. We both agreed that we can not be what the other person needs. I need someone so much MORE - more physical, more doting, more intense, just MORE. And while I think he tried to be more...he just couldn't be as much more as I need and yearn for. He on the ither hand needs someonje much LESS - less intense, less passionate, less affectionate, and less of a lot of things. And I just could not suppress myself any longer. Neither one of us can continue to try to fit ourselves into molds that we could never fill.

I am ok. I have been aware of the direction I was taking for quite some time now. He is a GREAT guy, just not The One for me. I am now free to reassert myself as the woman I truly am. I am ready to be ME again. I no longer have to guard my affection, I can give it freely. I am looking forward to the future, whatever it may hold.

WORDED Wednesday

2009-11-04T14:50:00.002-05:00

Welcome to my own edition of Worded Wednesday. I am not so good on the wordless thing. Whatever, it's my blog. I will do it how I want to. :-)

I just like this little picture. It cracks me up.

My poor little baby who was sooo sleepy yesterday morning after coming in the room and telling me she fell outta the bed. (Plz ignore the bruise on her leg. I did not beat her there this time. She is 4 and she has random bruises.)

What can I say, the kid loves her food.

Not a great quality picture, but I totally busted blood vessels on the outside of my thumb when I was putting my bed together (all by meself, I might add) that first night. It hurt to text. And to unpack. And to do anything the whole next day.

Where the Wild Things Are bento box. How awesome is that? Someone posted it on Twitter and I don't even remember who or where I got it from. I am so horrible. I apologize.

SO much better

2009-11-03T12:11:00.004-05:00

YAY!!! I got some sleep. I feel soo much better. After a few too many nights of staying up past midnight for various reasons and still getting up at the booty crack of dawn, I finally crashed last night. It had to be done. I went to bed at 9. Got to sleep around 10. I was awoken by the phone at 11, but only briefly. Awoken again by Mother Nature around 3 or 4, thought I was going to be awake till the morning, but then was asleep w/in 20 minuites. Then I totally slept till after 7am. Oops. Oh well, I apparently needed it.

As did Lorelli. She came in this morning at 5:45 and said, "Mommy, I fell out of my bed. I was sleeping just on the floor. I didn't had no blanklets (isn't that the cutest thing ever) or anything." Poor little thing. I let her crawl up in the bed with me and we slept straight through 2 alarms until 7:15. Which conincidentally, is the time that we are supposed to be leaving the house. OOPS!

Okie dokie. I am outta here. Talk to you guys later!

Not Me! Monday

2009-11-02T08:54:00.002-05:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I did not fail to pack anything last week for the move this weekend. I did not refuse to do this because all my stuff was still in storage and I didn't feel it necessary to pack up somebody else's stuff.

I have not stayed up way too late the last FIVE NIGHTS. I am a grown woman. I do not need a minimum of 7 hours of sleep a night. I do not normally go to bed around 10 pm. I was not on the phone until 1230 two nights this week. I was not up making Halloween cake balls for a lunch party two nights this week. I have not gotten only 5 hours of sleep for the last several nights. And I am NOT. SO. EFFING. TIRED. TODAY!!!!!

We did not try and move a bunch of stuff into the new apartment on Friday evening, to no avail because the previous tenants had not yet vacated. And when I say previous tenants I do not mean cockroaches. They are not one of the most disgusting things on the planet. I did not shudder when I saw them. I also did not go to the Devil Store immediately to purchase foggers and bug spray (and ginger ale) to get rid of the nasty little BUGgers. And then I did not have to get up in the morning on Saturday and head over to an apt that I had ASSumed (my bad my bad) would be clean enough for me to at least move my shyte into.

I did not decide to leave one of my child's whole big bags of toys in the storage room because she has waaaaaay too many toys in her room right now as it is because we are combining her stuff from two houses.

I did not let my child stay the night with the babysitters so that they could take her trick or treating while I was getting everything together to move (and apparently kill bugs) and she did not tell me that she didn't get that much candy because she was scared of "the costume monsters."

I did not waste 2 or more hours online when I should have been organizing the kitchen. And I did not take pictures of my totally disorganized and box filled apartment and post them on FB proclaiming how much I needed to get off the internet and unpack. And I did not continue to play online and play bejeweled. And I did not ~~make~~ ask nicely of Lorelli to please take all Mommy's shoes from the living room into her bedroom for her (while I was not posting said pictures). This did not take the better part of an hour because I did not have 13 pairs of shoes in the living room floor.

And...I did not "dance like a dervish" in the middle of my spacious bedroom floor last night at midnight just because I had my own room and I had finished unpacking my bathroom. :-)

And last...I have most definitely not had trouble sleeping in my very own bed. In my very own room. All by myself. It has not been 7+ years since I have not shared my room with SOME loved one.

LATERS!!!

Halloween

2009-10-30T13:42:00.004-04:00

Just a real quick update here.

Tomorrow is Halloween. Most of you are WAY more into Halloween than I am. I didn't DO Halloween that often as a child. I was all UBER religious in middle school and when we lived the city when I was younger there was the whole "blonde haired blue eyed children beware" scare going on, of which all three of us children were. But I did participate a little bit this year.

We had what was supposed to be a Halloween thing at work. Lunch was supposed to be provided and we (ladies or the permanent team) were supposed to make desserts. That didn't all happen as planned. But I/we did make our desserts. I made my cake balls. So yummy and sweet and cute. But I did not eat any of them. I am trying to be good with my change in eating. Here are some pictures of my cute little things, though.

AND Lorelli got to dress up. Her babysitters bought her costume for her AGAIN this year. As they have every year. They are the most awesome people in the whole world, I think. I am sooooo blessed to have them in my life. She is "Spider-Man-Girl" and I am jealous because they bought her THE. MOST. AWESOME. SHOES. EVER!!!! Here she is in all her glory. The first one she is "webbing me" (just for you NAN!!!).

I might have lied. But I didn't mean to. And I will try not to do it again.

2009-10-29T11:01:00.003-04:00

So, apparently when I said I was back. I didn't mean it. I thought I did. I meant to mean it. But, I lacked follow through. That sucks.

I have been so busy getting ready to move this weekend. We (Me, Lorelli, and her daddy - in case you were wondering) are moving into a BIG 3 bedroom apartment. I am soooo excited about this. And he is bestowing upon me the privilege of the master bedroom. Which I am definitely excited to receive. It has a closet the width of the bedroom (Which is 10 ft wide, in case you were wondering that, too) with three sliding doors. I get to go get my clothes out of storage. This excites me for TWO main reasons. I. MISS. MY. CLOTHES.

ANNNNNNNDDD...I get to get the jeans and pants out that have been in a different closet until now because I was too big for them. YIPPEE!!!! I still have a ways to go, yes I know. But I get to put on smaller pants. That will not REQUIRE a belt to hold them up as my pants do now. Becasuse they are all too big. Because I have lost 23 pounds.

Lorelli is excited about moving and getting "my own space for my own stuff and my own bed for me to sleep in my own room all by myself!" She is very good with the use of MY. I hope she is not getting Mine-itis. heheheh I am ready to get all of her junk out of the living room and back {somewhat} contained in her room. I am ready for her to sleep in her own room as opposed to in her own bed less than 3 feet from my bed. I love hearing her breathe, but I am such a light sleeper that every time she rolls around in her little toddler bed I wake up and check on her. Not that I won't be waking up and checking on my child, I just prefer not to do it every 45 minutes. All night. Every night. :-)

The boyfriend seems to be putting out more effort, lately. It has been nice this last week and a half. I have tried to keep my raging BC pill induced hormones in check. And he has called more and talked more. We haven't had much of a chance to see each other, with the aforementioned getting ready to move going on. But we have talked every day. More than 5 or 10 minutes. Actual conversations beyond, "Hey whats up? How was your day? Mine sucked. Have a good night. Talk to you tomorrow." We have chatted. We have laughed. We have complained. We have listened. Its a big step. On both our parts. I read an awesome post from MckMama the other day that made me think. I realize I am not married. Nor do I know if I ever will be. But romantic relationships of allll kinds at every different stage have problems. Always will. What determines whether or not we make it to that FOREVER stage is how we deal with these problems. Kinda gave me a new light. Not just the article, but also talking with a few awesome friends, both IRL and bloggy.

Tonight I will be finishing up my cake balls for tomorrow's work Halloween party. I am making spiders and pumpkins and perhaps eyeballs. They are obvoiusly Halloween themed. :-) Made the cake and mixed them and balled them last night. Tonight I move on to the dipping and decorating. ARGH! It is a task, that is for sure. I have about 100 balls to dip in melted candies of different colors. Then, my first use of edible ink markers. Can I tell you just HOW excited I am to use these. Bakerella uses them. And I shop at her favorite store all the time. And now I get to use these cool markers to decorate my eyeballs and pumpkins tonight.

Oh yeah, speaking of Halloween, Lorelli is going to be "Spider-man Girl" for Halloween. I will definitely take and post pictures. I don't do Halloween at all. I am baking for work because I am apparently the resident baker. Her daddy and her babysitters do the Halloween-y, costume-y, trick-or-treat-y things for her and with her. I am not a fan. But, whatever.

Gotta get back to being busy. Breaktime is over. Have a great Thursday!!!

Not Me Monday

2009-10-26T19:59:00.003-04:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I definitely did NOT spend my weekend with both me and Lorelli in a Benadryl induced coma. This did not definitely facilitate an early morning nap from said four year old. And had it elicited such a nap, I would not have laid right down on the couch and slept with her.

I did not give my daughter leftovers for dinner on Sunday night while I had Doritos for dinner. I alwyas make sure that we have a well balanced meal. All of us. She did not haev turkey, rice, and mixed veggies all combined to make one of my famous one pot easy peasy dinners.

I did not have to monitor my own attitude this week because these BC pills have so NOT made me a crazy lady.

I did not leave my pocketbook at work on Friday. And I did NOT just transfer money to Lorelli's dad and ~~tell~~ ask him to take my car and put gas in it so that I did not drive without my license. (After NOT driving home on Friday withOUT my license.)

I also did NOT inform Rob that we were going to meet him at hs parents' house this weekend while he did laundry so we could spend some time together and visit with his parents and Lorelli could play with her "little friend Chris."

And...for a Not My Child edition.....

It was NOT my child who asked me for a little sister. And it was NOT me that told her to go ask her daddy for a little sister. And it was NOT my child who then told me that she "would just go ask HER Rob if he could give her a little sister!!"

And that's all she wrote!

LRD Pictures

2009-10-22T09:26:00.007-04:00

I realized I had not posted pictures of where I have come from to where I am now. These are not the best photos ever. Most of them are takien with my phone. But whatever, they do tell a story. You (I) can definitely see a difference from where I was to where I am.

Taken 5/25 while in Texas

Taken 8/7/09 in work bathroom (where most of these next pictures are taken)

Taken 8/25/09 in work bathroom

Taken 9/28 in work bathroom

Taken 10/3/09 at home

Taken 10/21/09 in work bathroom (did a weigh in and I am down 23 POUNDS!!!!!)

Sooo, I still have a long ways to go. I still have a lot of tummy to lose. But the muffin top is going away a little bit. I am smaller in the waist. I am a little toned in the arms. Much work still needs to be done. But I thought I would share myself with you guys!!!!

Not Me! Monday

2009-10-19T09:06:00.003-04:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I did NOT happily let my 4 year old daughter go away for the weekend, to Tennessee, without either one of her parents. I did NOT do this because she was NOT with her oh so awesome incredible loving and wonderful babysitters who are more like surrogate grandparents than actual babysitters.

I did NOT make three vegetarian dinners this week because I was too lazy to remember to take meat out of the freezer for dinner. Since I did NOT do that, then we did not have a delicious zucchini fritatta (SP?), spinach alfredo, and grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner last week. I never shirk my responsibility on dinner duties. (But if I had, those aforementioned veggie dinners would have been absolutely delicious)

I did NOT wait 2 hours after the boyfriend told me I could "come over when I want to" to leave for his house because I was NOT uber-irritated with him. I did NOT leave my SCANDALOUS bag in the car because I was not sure if I was, indeed, going to spend the night. I did NOT give him the semi cold shoulder to make him understand that he was a heartless butt**** last week. (Actually, I can not tell a lie, I totally DID DO those things. For real. But sometimes you have to play hardball.)

I did NOT spend all day Sunday with him just watching football to regain some kind of normalcy between us, just to go home and begin a long text conversation with him, asking him several HARD questions and getting back several HARD answers. I would never waste a whole day thinking up those questions, only to ask them later. I am not wimpy like that. I can handle face to face confontation. (Actually, I can't.)

I am SO NOT beyond excited to have my computer back. This does NOT mean that I will be blogging more often. Nor does it mean that I will be able to watch my TV shows again. (Thank you mankind for HULU and instant watch websites) But, MOST OF ALL, it does NOT mean that I will have my JILLIAN MICHAELS WORKOUTS BACK!!! I am NOT AT ALL looking forward to this. No way. No how. Unh unh!!!

And...right now...I am not TOTALLY thinking of going home to make pretzels and Bakerella's cake pops and uber delicious beer bread. Which would completely negate the previous statement about working out. :-)

What did you NOT do? What are you NOT thinking about?

I'm Baaaaaaaaaackkkkkk

2009-10-18T13:12:00.002-04:00

Hey everyone. I will now have a computer back at home. That is majorly exciting news for me. I am giddy. I can go back to reading your blogs on a regular basis AND leaving comments. Now you won't think that I am ignoring all of you. :-) Because I am really not. But, the RH got the computer working so I will be taking it home today. And I have figure out how to use my phone as a modem so I now have internet at home. How much better can life get????

Speaking of the RH....some of you know that I am having major issues on that front. I am beginning to think that I am expecting more of him than he is willing to give or is comfortable giving. I love him very much. And I know that he loves me very much. But, as I learned once before....sometimes you need more than just love to carry the relationship. Without the right verbiage and actions...the love kinda falls through the cracks. I am not saying that we are breaking up just yet, I am just saying that I am spending more time bothered and upset than I am happy and in love. Time will tell...but I just don't know that there will be THAT much more time.

{Not So} Wordless Wednesday

2009-10-14T14:19:00.004-04:00

I love sharing my photos with you guys. Here is a random bunch of photos for my Wednesday. :-)

Crazy awesome 80s Jazzercise chick from the Athens night of debauchery last weekend

Lorelli enjoying an afternoon stroll in the park - literally

Getting her little mouth all numb to get cavities filled. Holding the spit sucker. Watching SpongeBob which Mommy doesn't let her watch at home.

Actually getting the cavities filled. She was such a good little patient.

Fat me from last summer ('08) at Stone Mountain. (I look EXACTLY like my sister here *SHUDDER*)

Less fat me. Taken a week or so ago. Still have a ways to go, but I am feeling better seeing the difference in these pictures.

Surreptitiously

2009-10-12T12:53:00.000-04:00

I started this post last Wednesday, approximately 5 days ago. I am finishing it today, Monday. Oops!

That is the word of the week. It started out as the word for Monday. But I loved it so much that I have carried it over through out the entire week. :-) Its my blog, I can do what I want to, do what I want to.

So, I realize it has been approx 64586 days since my last post. Please forgive me. Please? Ok. Thanks.You guys really are great.

Things with my RH are going pretty well. He seems to have listened to my concerns/complaints and seems to have been trying harder to be more communicative and more affectionate. It is a problem that his whole family has. They just don't know how to talk to each other. They do not say I love you. They are just not emotional people. Or if they are, they are not very expressive people. I should know this. But I still have expectations that maybe, just maybe, he could change. I guess that's what's wrong with us crazy women. We always want our men to change. And they don't. And we get upset. But he is trying. And working at it. And I think he is making progress. He recently told me, "I care about you and love you more than I could ever tell you. And I am so sorry that I ever give you cause to doubt that." I think that is a huge improvement over what I usually get from him, "You know you mean a lot to me, right?" So, I will take it. He has also been working on actually EXPRESSING those verbal sentiments in actions. Which makes a girl feel good. Its nice to hear sometimes that you want me and that you think of me, but its even better to FEEL wanted. :-) I am sure that you all know what I am talking about.

In other news, I have officially lost 20 pounds. I have had to buy a belt to hold up the pants I was wearing. All my smaller clothes are in the storage unit. I will not be getting them out of storage until we move into the bigger apartment and I have my own closet and my own room, etc. Besides, my clothes are lying across the washer and dryer and the w/d are like three layers INTO the storage unit and just incredibly difficult to get to right now. I can not wait to be able to pull on AT LEAST the size 18 jeans. I know that sounds huge to most of you, but I am coming from a size 22. I have jeans all the way down to a small size 16. So, I should be set at least for another couple months. Also, as soon as we move and I am OFFICIALLY on the lease, I will have full FREE access to a gym up the street. The apartments we are in do not have a fitness center so they have a deal with the gym up the street. I can not wait. I want to go every day. And I will be taking my "gym bag" with me to work so that I am not tempted to go home and just NOT work out. It is a right turn to the gym instead of a left turn to the apartments. I can do it. I want to do it. I will do it. :-) I can not wait to get below 200 pounds. Seriously. I have not been below 200 pounds since...I don't even remember when. Maybe high school. Or shortly after that. Maybe since the back surgery when I was 20. I do not have a clue. I can not remember a time when I was not at least 200 pounds. But I am looking forward to the day that I see a 1 in front of the number on the scale instead of a 2.

I have to give a little HOORAY to the people on this journey with me. Nan, Em, Julie, & Toby I think that you guys are all incredible and I am so proud of you for pushing on. :-) If you need a cheerleader, I am here for you, just as you guys have been here for me. I appreciate all the love you guys are bestowing my way.

So, the living situation is not near as awkward as I thought it would be. Living with Lorelli's daddy has proven to be interesting. It is almost like living back at home with your own parents. He asks me how my day was. Asks me if I took my lunch. Asks me if I have heard from my RH today and how things are going in that department. I try and keep the house clean. I make dinner at night. I am quiet when we leave the house because I don't want mine and Lorelli's noise to wake him up (especially since he has given up his bedroom and he is sleeping on the pullout couch in the living room). But overall it has been nice not to pay rent. It has been nice to know that Lorelli is getting to spend some time with her daddy. It is nice to have someone say thank you for cooking dinner. It is nice to have someone help with the laundry. And mostly it is nice to be able to say, "Go ask your daddy to do..."

I rarely said, "Go ask Rob to do...." because Lorelli is not his child. Even living with my boyfriend, I still felt like a single mother because I did most everything for Lorelli. I just didn't feel right asking him to share the parenting duty. Over the last couple months of us living together I believe I had just started doing that. I would ask him to get fer a cup of milk in the morning. Or she would ask him to brush her teeth for her. Or I would ask him to keep an eye on her while I went and laid down with a migraine. And I have begun to see that maybe that was the turning point when he started freaking out. That might have been when he started to see that we were somewhat of a makeshift family and that he was slowly becoming a "parent." I can see where that would be scary. And not only a parent, but a parent of someone else's child. Then when everything with the house started to fall through, it got worse. Then you add a big promotion at work to all the aforementioned stress, and I think he just lost it. If you remember, I said he is not a very good communicator of his feelings, nor thoughts and stresses. I have always had to guess at it. I am only just now able to see the cues from several months ago. They say "hindight is 20/20."

I am super excited that AD and Lorelli and I should be moving into the 2 bedroom apartment within the next couple weeks. I am ready to have my stuff back. And my bed back. And all my clothes back. And I am BEYOND ready for my daughter to have her own space and not sleep in my room. That stuff is getting WAY old. She has not slept in my room in over 2 years. And she has been sleeping in my room that last 6 weeks. UGH! The new apartment has an office/sunroom type area that we will be making her room. She can not wait to have her "own space" as she has called it. It is all very exciting.

I guess that's all I have. I have finally updated my blog. Thanks for sticking around and checking back in on me every so often. :-) I am hoping to get my computer back very soon from Rob. He has been working on getting it fixed because the power supply went out on it. And when I get it back I should get back to my regular bloggy self.

I Heart Faces - Excited

2009-10-12T10:22:00.005-04:00

This week's them over at I ♥ Faces is EXCITED. The picture below is the first time that Lorelli met her Uncle John. She was about to turn 1 year old and she was home in Texas with her Daddy and meeting lots of extended family. I think this picture definitely captures how excited she was to be meeting him.

Head on over to I ♥ Faces and check out the other EXCITED photos.

I Heart Faces - We've got the Blues

2009-09-29T09:42:00.003-04:00

I am partaking, once again, in the fun that is the I Heart Faces photo contest. This week it is all about the blues. I know which picture I want to use. It is priceless. It is beautiful. And it is very US. Head on over to I Heart Faces to check out the other BLUE photos.

Everything old is new again

2009-09-27T22:48:00.001-04:00

Well, thats actually a lie. But it sounded cool. I just like that line. :)

So, did you notice the awesomeness of my new blog layout? My wonderful friend over at www.thewannabewahm.com Did it for me. That is her bluish green button over on the left that says the wannabewahm. That obviously stands for The Wannabe Work at Home Mom. Don't we all wish we could do that? I do. One day. With my baking business. But her work at home business is going to be/is now blog design. Shes great. Please go check her out and tell her I sent you. Tell your friends about her. She is quite great.

Speaking of my one day baking business, its a good thing that I am one tough cookie otherwise tonights batch of orange cupcakes would have caused my dream to fizzle out. They are dense. And they fell. And they didn't taste as orangealicious as they smelled. I would blame the recipe but it is one I have used before. I blame the cook. Crazy girl decided to take things into her own hands and did not add things separately like she was supposed to. Ugh! Its so hard to find good help. And by help, I mean me.

The relationship saga continues, of course. I decided the other night that there are a lot of things about our situation that I H.A.T.E. But after getting that off my chest, I feel like there is some good coming of it. I am getting so much time w my kiddo. Not that I wasnt getting time w her, but I am especially focused on her so that this transition is easier for her. And she is getting unimaginable amounts of time with both AD and I. Her little attitude has gotten a bit better. She seems to be having fun. She sleeps better now than when we first got here and her brain seems to be going through a growth spurt as she is soaking up knowledge like a sponge. Its incredible.

Did I tell you I went out w an incredibly awesome new bloggy friend? Last weekend, I made plans, with no regard for anyone else, whatsoever. And it was FUN! She and I had a blast. There was laughing. Talking. Flirting. And then we got in the car to go to the bar. Ahhhh just kidding. But seriously, I thought it would be awkward driving out to hang out w someone I hadn't "met" but turns out she is just as awesome in person as she is online. (But dont worry Julie, I am so going to come visit you. And You, Kristie. Don't be surprised if I just show up and say "hey, lets grab a drink.")

Okay gang, its my bedtime. Actually, its past my bedtime. I am gonna crash now. Thx for listening. :)

PS - I lost a half pound this week. Its not much, but I am counting it. And I bought two new belts to hold up two pairs of pants that no longer fit!!

Kitty Kicking Karma

2009-09-24T16:29:00.000-04:00

Wow. Yesterday was the WORST day that I can remember ever having. Seriously.
You would think that I had some serious karmic issues yesterday. Things that
had been building up for so long that the Universe finally said, "Enough is
enough biatch. You are going down!" I will start at the beginning (3:30
a.m.) and go until I finally got home (8:30 p.m.) .

DISCLAIMER : I know there are way worse things that could happen. I could
have been a victim of all the flooding. I do have my health. I do have
family. I do still have a job. Believe me, I thanked HIM for all the things
that I DO have going for me just as I was cursing the universe for
everything going wrong yesterday.

3:30 a.m. : Wake up...OH HELLO AUNT FLO!!! Is that you banging on my door?
Say what? Oh...you think I have had enough sleep? And I should change the
sheets more often? Thanks! Really.

6:45 a.m. : Wake up again. 30 minutes late. Take ANOTHER shower because AF
and I are having just TOO much fun today.

7:15 a.m. : Trip over a tree limb while walking to my car and skin my knee
and twist my ankle and get mud on my pants.

7:17 a.m. : Realize I do not have my cell phone - run back in and get it.

8:00 a.m. : Run into QT to get Midol and something to eat because the Crampy
Demons are killing me. And I am hungry.

8:10 a.m. : Get to work 10 minutes late.

9:30 a.m. : Get email from company owner's daughter asking if I can cover
the phones because apparently everytone and their dog is JUST TOO BUSY to
cover the phones. Sure, why not, I am not busy after all, trying to make
collection calls. But whatev.

10:30 a.m. : Realize that I have court in the afternoon for the stinky
expired registration ticket I got in August and I have to leave at 1:15 for
that.

1:15 p.m. : Leave for court.

1:45 p.m. : Make good time. Get to the recorder's court 15 minutes early.
WOOWOO. Now. Must. Find. Parking.

2:05 p.m. : Still looking for parking. Have driven around parking lot no
less than 12 times. There seem to only be 150 parking spaces for the enitre
county to park in.

2:15 p.m. : Finally give up and park two streets away and haul my behind up
the road to the court.

2:18 p.m. : Must throw away my brand new orange Gatorade (bought for me by
the RH {boyfriend}) because, OH YEAH, thanks to terrorists you can't take
drinks and food into federal buildings. SHEESH!!!

2:20 p.m. : Get to VERY CROWDED courtroom and take a seat and listen for my
name.

2:50 p.m. : Walk out of court with a warning from the judge and a ZERO
dollar fine. Thank you Lord, you know I don't have ANY money right now and I
appreciate you looking out for me today.

3:25 p.m. : Car begins to make obnoxious dinging sound indicating that
something is horrifically wrong.

3:26 p.m. : Notice that temperature gauge is dangerously close to the H
level.

3:27 p.m. : Pulled over on side street when I noticed steam coming from
under my hood.

3:30 p.m. : Open hood of car (for 1st time ever by myself) and lots of steam
comes out. Did not get burned, thank goodness. Now begin to wonder what I am
going to do. In THIS side of town. With no one around. And everyone at work.

3:45 p.m. : Wonderful Kind Stranger stops to ask me if I need help and then
offers to run up the street to get some water for my car and bring back to
me.

3:50 p.m. : Discover that my car needs more water because the water hose has
popped off. Wonderful Kind Stranger attempts to put hose back on for me but
can not get hose on with the clamp on. Takes clamp off. Reattaches water
hose.

4:35 p.m. : Car is put back together. Clamp can not be put back on water
hose to attach to car. WKS informs me that up the road 1 mile is an auto
store. Drive there (very slowly and at a low RPM) and ask them to kindly
help a damsel in distress.

4:37 p.m. : Half a mile up said road, water hose *POPS* off again and car
begins to overheat. Freak out ensues. AGAIN.

4:38 p.m. : Turn into KFC and turn car off and call boyfriend. Boyfriend is
in the middle of chew out by manager. Inform him my water hose has popped
off again and I am stranded. Will call awesome babysitters to come get me
and take me to their house until he can come get me and my car.

5:00 p.m. : Babysitters arrive to take me home. Check my car to see that,
yes indeed, the water hose has popped off. They do not have any squeezing
tools in their car to squeeze darned little clampie to et back on hose to
get back on car.

5:15 p.m. : Attempt to get stuff out of car only to realize that I have
locked keys, purse, and phone in the car. On the front seat. Of the driver
side. In scary town. Hmmmmmmm

5:17 p.m. : Babysitters have roadside assistance plan that they will use to
help me out. YAY!! Oh...never mind. Roadside assistance plan is expired.
And, oh yeah, its $220 to renew. Never mind.

5:20 p.m. : Babysitters add roadside assistance to their cell phone plan
(which I have on my cell phone plan - but cell phone is - oh yeah - in the
locked car). Attempt to use roadside assistance plan only to find out there
is 72 hour waiting period.

5:40 p.m. : Boyfriend calls back. He is off work. He is on his way. YAY!! He
is not happy that I locked my stuff in the car (DUH!! Neither am I!!!).
OOPS!!! Ask him for the number to insurance company that we both have. Call
insurance company to find out I DO have roadside assistance on my plan.
YAY!!! The locksmith can be there in a mere...standby...wait for it...FORTY
FIVE MINUTES!!!

6:00 p.m. : Boyfriend gets there. Kisses my head. Shakes his head at me.
Buys me a water. :-)

6:15 p.m. : Locksmith gets there and unlocks the door in under 1 minute.
WOOWOO!!! Thank you thank you thank you!! A million times thank you.

6:35 p.m. : Boyfriend must buy pliers to squeeze clamp. Kroger has needle
nose pliers only. He tries to use those. Somehwat success.

6:45 p.m. : Boyfriend goes to Rite-Aid and buys full 3 piece plier set. Uses
pliers. Struggles with clampie thing. Struggles with water hose. Struggles
with sweat pouring down his brow. And the middle of his back. And...damn he
is sexy...oh, I mean, wow its really humid out here.

6:55 p.m. : Car is put back together. Water is in the car. Car is started.
Does not seem to be leaking. Boyfriend says if I had wanted to spend time
with him and see him all I had to do was ask. I apologize for breaking my
car in a feeble attempt to spend more time together. We both laugh. Kiss.
Say goodbye. Go to our separate homes.

And we all live happily ever after.

OR NOT!

7:10 p.m. : Car temperature gauge begins to creep up again to the H and we
pull over to the side of the road. Call boyfriend. He lets loose string of
expletives. Apologizes to me becuase it is not my fault. Turns car around to
come rescue me once again. Tells me to see if I can make it to the exit (I
am pulled over on the shoulder of a highway entrance ramp, on a giant curve,
that people like to fly around) where it is safer.

7:20 p.m. : HERO unit stops at my car to see if I need help. No thank you,
kind sir. My boyfriend is coming to rescue me. Yes, he is totally awesome.
Yes, I will be fine. No, I do not need you to stay until he gets here. Yes,
I am sure. You have a nice day, also.

7:22 p.m. : "Mommy, I really have to peepee right now or I am going to
peepee in my panties and you told me not to peepee in my panties or you
would spank my bum and I really have to peepee and I can't wait and that is
why I am dancing in my seat right now because I can't wait." (Can you not
wait? hehehe) Lorelli pees in KFC cup (I know, but its the only thing I had)
and I attempt to dump the urine out the window, but end up dumping it down
the side of my car and splashing it all on my driver side mirror. WOOWOO!!!!

7:30 p.m. : Boyfriend shows up. Checks hose. It is still attached. Slowly
lets steam out of radiator and opens radiator cap. Water is all but gone.
HUH?!?!? Adds more water. Checks other fluid levels. Curses at car. Says he
will follow me home.

8:15 p.m. : Arrive home safe and sound. Boyfriend checks car again. Fluid
levels are good. NO fluid is spewing out. Car is not steaming. Temperature
level did not go above warm. All seems right with the world. We say good
night. I say thank you for being my hero. We kiss. We go our separate ways.

8:27 p.m. : I realize I have to take ANOTHER shower and wash the clothes I
have on. RIGHT NOW. Thank you Aunt Flo. I forgot you were here. NOT.

8:30 : Pour myself a caffeine-free pepsi and a shot of Patron. :-) The night
gets better for the next hour and a half until I go to sleep.

The end

What is this world coming to??

2009-09-21T14:47:00.003-04:00

My brain is going to explode and start dripping little pieces out of my head very very soon, I believe. Last night I got one of the worst migraines I have gotten in a very very long time. And all during a horrible thunderstorm. Not just any thunderstorm, but quite possibly the loudest and biggest thunderstorm that humankind has ever ~~seen~~ heard. I think the only thunder that has ever been louder was maybe the thunder that God made while creating the Earth and the Heavens in the very beginning of time. It was so loud that it woke Rob twice because he thought lightning had hit something and exploded it. So, needless to say, I did not have a good night. And it took three doses of migraine medicine to get my migraine under control. It is definitely not gone, it is sitting there in the back of my head taunting me, but it is not KILLING me at this very moment.

Speaking of the thunderstorm, once I finally decided to try and head on into work, I discovered that every road I wanted to use was closed. Too bad I didn't think to check here first. I would have known that all the back routes that I was going to take were under seize by flood waters. SHEESH!!! But, try as I did to find an alternate route, all the routes I wanted were blocked. So I called out for the whole day and have been "enjoying" a very calm day spending time with the boyfriend.

We had a wonderful evening last night that included dinner, football, conversation, snuggling, gatorade, booty time, and eventually, sleep. Today, we have just been hanging out and being together. We had some yummy Japanese hibachi for lunch and more Gatorade. I just love orange Gatorade. And tonight he and Lorelli and I were supposed to be going to the fair, but since everything is so freaking wet and rainy and muddy and sloshy - we are either going to go to the jumpy house in the mall or we are going to go see Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs tonight. I am leaning towards the movie because it looks sooo cute. :-)

OH HEY!!!! GUESS WHAT!!! I LOST ANOTHER POUND!!! FINALLY!!! I am officially down 16 pounds. I know I have not reported any weight loss in a very long time...but thankfully, I have not had and REgained weight, either. But, I am getting back on track. Things are finally calming down and settling back into a routine in my life that I have found the time and the energy and the motivation to get back working out. I have found a couple new blogs to read which I will share with you soon. I am loving them. And they are helping me out a little bit. I am still reading the ones I had already told you all about, and my friend NAN is totally awesome and supportive and I love reading her site about all the she is doing and attempting to do. EM is totally great and honest and forthright about her trip. KEEP IT UP EVERYONE!!! I AM BACK!! WITH A VENGEANCE!! I want to really start focusing on getting rid of this tummy. I would be way happier with this weight loss and healthier me trip if I could do that. The muffin top is just not cute look. And besides, I want to look GOOOD for when I go back to school in January. You know what I mean, JellyBean?!?!

Ok...I am outta here for now. When you come back soon (which I hope you will) I will have new things in store for you. Including a new looking blog. And I will tell you all about it after it is done and posted. LOVE YOU GUYS!!!

LATER!

The Task at Hand

2009-09-19T20:28:00.001-04:00

So, my friend Julie wanted to shake me out of my low down funk today. She tasked me to complete this and get my mind off my PMS. :) Here goes. (And yes, it worked. I feel a little better.)

1. What is you favorite line from a movie?

Right now, it is from Spanglish. It doesn't get more romantic than this. "Looking at you doesn't do it, staring is the only way that makes sense."

2. What group did you belong to in high school?

I was an honors brat, band nerd. But...I dont know if I really fit in there. I dont know that I was ever in ONE group.

3. If you $1,000 to spend on yourself, what would you spend it on?

Jillian Michaels workout DVDs. A good set of hand weights. A little workout bench. And a gym membership. After that? I would have to spend on Lorelli. Its how things work.

4. Favorite childhood cartoon?

Dungeons and Dragons. And Smurfs. And XMen. But NOT roadrunner...he wierded me out.

5. What kind of sleeper are you?

I am definitely a sprawler. And a cuddler (when there is someone to cuddle). And I like to lie like a flamingo. Mostly on my tummy, with one leg straight and one leg bent.

FIRST questions

1. Do you talk to your 1st love?

Yep. I talk to him most days. At least once a week, if not daily.

2. First alcoholic drink?

Fuzzy navel. At above 1st love's 1st apartment party.

3. First job?

Cashier at Frys Electronics. I stayed there (company, not position) for 9 years.

4. First car?

98 Green Plymouth Neon Expresso

5. First person to text you this morning?

Elaina, after I wished her Happy Birthday.

6. First person you thought of this morning?

This morning at 1 a.m. it was the boyfriend. I checked my phone to see if he had called. He hadn't.

7. First grade teacher?

Ms Gideon - in Colorado

8. Where did you go for your first flight?

I flew home from Austin to DFW.

9. Who was your first best friend and do you still talk?

The first best friend that I remember is Amelia. We met in 3rd grade. Then one day in 4th grade she got mad at me. And never spoke to me again. I started calling her Amelia Bedelia to make her mad.

10. Where was your first sleepover?

I believe it was at Stephanie's house. That was one BIG house. I was in 7th grade. Her mom was scary.

11. First person you talked to today?

Myself. In the shower. Trying to convince myself that I am giving RH (just for you, nan) enough space. The other first person was Lorelli. When I told her it was finally time for her wake up.

12. Whose wedding were you in first?

I have actually not been in any weddings thus far. Whew!

13. First thing you did this morning?

Picked Lorelli off the floor and put her back in her bed. At 2:30 in the morning.

14. First concert you went to?

Bellamy brothers when I was 6. It was outdoors. And free.

15. First tattoo?

A fairy sitting in clouds holding the moon on my back. Took two sessions to finish. So worth it.

16. First piercing?

Ears, of course.

17. First foreign country?

Unfortunately, sadly, I have never been to a foreign country.

18. First morvie you remember seeing?

I dont know which one came first, but I remember going and seeing Oliver and Company w my Aunt and I remember my mother taking me to see Ghostbusters 2.

19. State you lived in first?

Yucky Texas.

20. First roommate?

Other than my sister? My first love/boyfriend.

21. First detention?

3rd grade. A boy was teasing me because he got more vocabulary words right than I did and i hit him on the head w my ruler.

(Sorry Julie and Kimber but my OCD self can not have a list w/o a 22 or 23)

22. One thing you would like to learn, given the chance?

Chinese

23. Who will be the next person to post this?

I seriously don't know. Maybe my Toby.

{Not So} Wordless Wednesday

2009-09-16T10:35:00.005-04:00

Welcome to this week's photos. They are quite random and lovely.

This is my daughter's 1st ever thank you card - it says "Thank you for my clothes"

This is my totally awesome care package from the totally awesome NAN!!! And it came on the perfect day since yesterday was so sucky. I got makeup, perfume, green apple green tea, candles, and some POMEGRANATE/TANGERINE HAND SOAP!!!

Lorelli's 1st self portrait. She titled it herself. :-)

One of her birthday outfits which I think is so adorable and prompted her daddy to buy her TWO new pairs of pink shoes.

The new Thomas the Train bed set with the new cherry sleigh toddler bed that she got this weekend.

Not ME! Monday

2009-09-14T08:27:00.003-04:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I have not participated lately, but I am back. Just as MckMama says she will be back this week. Very exciting!!!!

It is NOT me that is waaaaay behind on blog post reading since the move. I have read the majority of your posts, but sometimes my phone will not let me comment. Please do not think I have abandoned you. Or that I am not reading. I SO am. I just do not have internet access outside of my phone.

It was NOT me that got so perturbed with my daughter's temper tantrum Saturday night that I told her to "just shut-up, roll over, and go to sleep." I do not lose my cool like that. I am always calm, collected, and kind.

I did NOT let Lorelli's daddy clean practically my whole car by himself because a dirty car doesn't bother me. Surely I am setting the example for my daughter that we always clean up after ourselves and that we should always present a clean car. And we should never let other people clean up the mess that WE totally made by ourselves.

I am NOT totally writing this NOT ME while I am at work. I should be doing payroll right now. But instead, I am writing this. And I am actually thinking of tomorrow's post. Hmmmmmm

I did NOT get upset when I told my boyfriend I was wearing "the sexy panties" and all I got was a mumbled, "ooh la la" before he drifted off to sleep. I know that he is tired and that this closing schedule is totally kicking his butt. I did NOT think that he could have at least faked like he was interested in my sexy body. HA! I did NOT take off the sexy panties, change into the full pants and shirt pajamas, and proceed to go to sleep on the other side of the bed.

Conversation, Change in Attitude, and Chix Breasts

2009-09-08T09:21:00.005-04:00

So, when we last saw our Princess she was getting ready to go to the ball to meet her Prince Charming. Okay, that's not quite where we left off...but close enough. After waking up at 6:45 in the morning on Sunday, for no reason other than the fact that I had gone to sleep at approx 8:15 the night before, I finally got in the shower and started to get ready for my breakfast date with the boyfriend. When he called at 9am I already had my hair done, bra on, and was just waiting for him to call to finish getting ready, even though it was getting awful late. Unfortunately, he was calling to ask if we could possibly reschedule for a dinner/lunch date later that night because was running late. I said, "of course."

Lorelli and AD and I spent the rest of the day cleaning the apartment. It now looks like one cohesive apartment, as opposed to HIS apartment and MY shyte everywhere. We (I) cleaned out the dresser of all of Lorelli's old clothes (all the way down to 24 month items) so that her daddy could start using his dresser again. I did this with my own motives in mind, actually. Not just to be kind. But if his dresser is cleared out he can get some of his stuff out of the closet so that I can get more of my stuff IN the closet. :-) I organized the bathroom under the sink since there is only one cabinet and no drawers. We consolidated Lorelli's toys and books into one place, as opposed to all over the place. And we vacuumed and mopped and scrubbed and sprayed. I feel so much better being there now. He has basically given up his room and bed, also to Lorelli and me. I think I would sleep better on the pull out couch, though, considering if I slept out there I would not have 4 year old feet on me all night. But, I think that the three of us are making the transition pretty well to living together in a 1 bedroom apartment for the time being. The lease will be up at the end of next month and we will be moving into a 2 bedroom with an office and will all have our own separate spaces. I can not wait. Right now I feel kinda bad because he is in the living room. But, we are both making sacrifices to make this easier on her. And regarding her...she is loving it. Having both of us in the same house, you can already tell a difference in her attitude. She is still trying to push the boundaries a little bit because Daddy had totally different rules, or lack thereof I should say, than Mommy does. But, he has been good about backing me up and enforcing my rules.

So, my dinner date...I was so nervous. I must have changed clothes like 4 times. AD was laughing at me unabashedly. Every time I changed he would say something like, "What was wrong? Why'd you change?" I felt so silly for being nervous to go meet my boyfriend of three years who has seen me in a multitude of different states of dress and undress. But whatever. It is not my place to question my own sanity. I picked him up at work and we went to a little Chinese buffet. We had sub par food but pretty good conversation. He asked me what I was doing on Labor Day, to which I replied nothing since I was off. Then...THEN...he asked me if I wanted to come over that night after he got off work and stay the night and spend Monday with him. I told him I would think about it. I couldn't just JUMP at the chance to finally get to spend time with my boyfriend who actually was initiating the contact. I, of course, told him yes I would meet him up at work when he got off and then follow him to his new place of residence. It was soooo hard not to do a little dance on the way to the car. A happy dance, of course. But I resisted the urge. Until I got home. And got out of the car. To which I totally did the Punky Brewster dance in the middle of the parking lot. But who cares. I don't know those people anyway!!

Sunday night was nice. Finally falling asleep in his arms again. Since this is a fairly G rated blog I will say that we got home around 945 and were in bed by 10 and were asleep by 11. Some necessities were totally attended to before falling asleep, though. I am just saying. Monday was a day of driving all around Atlanta which kinda sucked. But we just kinda enjoyed a beautiful day out and about. We had breakfast/lunch (but not brunch) in Atlantic Station. We went shopping at Ikea. We watched Brangelina in Mr & Mrs Smith. We lounged about on the bed. We showered together (that is fairly G rated, right?). basically, we just enjoyed each others company. What we did not do was discuss the situation at hand. We did not talk about the hard stuff. We did not try and understand what was going on with the other one. I finally left around 9pm on Monday night since I had to go to work on Tuesday. I was hoping to "attend to business" before I left, but it just didn't happen. Oh well. Such is life.

After I got home Monday night and spent some time with my daughter and unloaded my SCANDALOUS overnight bag, I called him to let him know I was home. Thus ensued the DEEP conversation that had been hanging over us for two weeks. It was good. And calm. With no tearful outbursts. No yelling. And, I believe, no hurt feelings. Talk about an accomplishment. I realized, and asked him to confirm, that he was/is scared to have about having a family, acting as a father to Lorelli, and having any kind of future family. He is afraid of failure. He feels he failed us by not getting the house. He is scared to be the main provider and financial supporter of our little family. And he needs some time to sort out his own thoughts and emotions and get rid of this fear before he is ready to live with us again. He wants us very much. But he is scared to fail us or let us down. I asked him if he was scared to be Lorelli's father figure or just a father in general because I know that Lorelli is a handful sometimes (BELIEVE ME, I KNOW) and that being a parent is scary. But I needed to know if he was scared of raising someone else's daughter as his own or if he was just scared in general. Remember, this is the man who six months ago decided that he DID want to have a child and get married, someday. To me. ME?!?! YIKES! But, he declared that it was the idea of being a father AT ALL that scared him. Not just to my daughter, but to any child. His or not. We talked about his Friday nights. You know I had to talk about that. I told him I don't care that he goes out. I don't care that he goes out every Friday. Its when he goes out every Friday and stays out until all hours of the night without acknowledging me at all the whole night. And its that we ALLLL know that this Friday night event will take place. But what night is dedicated to just us? Or to just him and Lorelli and me? There was/is no such night. I had to find a way to let him know that THAT is what hurt. I realize we all need time with our friends. And I am way better about keeping in touch with my friends because I use FB, Twitter, my blog, texting, the phone, email, and every other possible way to communicate with all of you. He...not so much. He hates texting. He has a cell phone but would rather use it to talk on the phone. Occasionally. He has a FB, but until Saturday morning (when he read all my recent status updates) had not been on it in over a month. He doesn't have Twitter. And he doesn't email. He kinda sucks at communication in general. Which is part of our problem. So, we talked about that issue and I think (I hope) he finally understands where I am coming from.

So far, this week has been better. We have talked regularly. I saw him today when he came to get my car and have the new tires put on for me. (YAY!!!) We are supposed to have lunch tomorrow (he is off work). And I am planning my time with my friends and child without worrying about whether or not I will see him. I am basically living my life. Like he asked me to. I am looking forward to registering for school in November and going back to school in January. I am actually looking forward to getting the 2 bdrm with Lorelli's daddy (partially because I can not wait to start baking again). I am looking forward to so much and I am taking mine and Rob's relationship one moment at a time. Thanks for all your well wishes and support. You guys have been totally awesome. :-) Seriously!

PS - I am reading "Men are From Mars and Women are From Venus" and came across a line in it yesterday that really struck a chord with me. It boils down to this, "a woman that is able to talk about her problems and feels heard can suddenly change, feel better, & sustain a positive attitude," which I think explains my negative attitude the last two weeks towards him. He just didn't seem to want to or have the time to listen to me.

All things big and small

2009-09-06T07:14:00.003-04:00

Hi guys! Oh, how I have missed you. I have missed myself. Hormones are a BITCH, you know? Being a female with deep running emotions normally is hard, but then you throw in some PMS, a pinch of personal drama, a dash of being lonely, and about a cup of brand new four year old love....thats a recipe for a breakdown. Trust me. If ever there was a chink in my armor, it is now.

So, my baby turned 4 on Thursday. That is a very monumentous occasion. Especially since last summer, while I was not working, I was convinced that one of us wasn't going to make it to her 3rd birtday. But we did. And this year she actually knows what a birthday is. She was excited for it to be her birthday. She counted down the days. And, being her mother's child, she stretched it out for several days to get the maximum amount of birthday possible. She got totally awesome birthday presents if I do say so myself. Her babysitters got her a pink Radio Flyer scooter that is so cool it makes me jealous. She got a yellow calculator. And she knew oit was a calculator. And told me she needs it to pay her bills. What?! She astounds me with her vocabulary every day, practically. Rob and I got her the Series 2 of Signing Time which we have been wanting to get her for a very long time. Her daddy got her some books to go with her TAG reading pen. And then...we had her party yesterday. At the park. She had a blast. There were only 3 little kids that showed up, but she didn't care. She got to play ag the park. She had watermelon. We had a pinata. And we had cake. What more could a 4 year old ask for? Thankfully she asked for nothing more. :)

I did see my boyfriend at the party. It was kinda nice. We didn't really have a chance to talk too much because the day was about my daughter and not about our junk. But it did end with an invite for breakfast this morning which I should be up and getting ready for. And I am excited and nervous about that. I miss him. Even if this whole situation sucks right now. I am so angry and so hurt by it, but all but I am patiently waiting it out. Praying that things work out the way he wants them to. And just raising up my faith and prayers that if this isn't whats best for Lorelli and me that I will be shown the way that is. I love Rob very much. I love him more than I had let myself believe that I loved him. And while I am willing to give this time so he can work his shit out, I am not willing to put my whole life on hold. I do not really have a time limit for him or anything. Not a set date at which time I will move on. But I do know that I am giving him his space for now so that he can figure out why hes so freaked out.

In the meantime, Lorelli is getting to have some much needed time with BOTH her parents. AD has been amazing throughout all of this. He has opened up his homw to us. He has taken us in. He has even listened to me complain and whine about this whole situation. Most women do not have that kind of relationshiop with their ex. I am lucky to have it with both my exes. Living here with him has been like a weight off my shoulders. Lorelli is getting some much desired daddy time. He is getting some much needed Lorelli time. And I am getting the peace of mind that I know my daighter is taken care of and happy.

Well guys, I need to get ready for my breakfast date. It was great talking to you. I will try not to stay gone so long this time. Heck, I may be back this afternoon. We will see.

Aww...thanks lady

2009-09-04T15:38:00.005-04:00

I know I have not been posting regularly, but I am still dealing with all this separation stuff. The month of August has been a tough one. Hoping that September turns it around. My good friend MAMA4REAL is trying to help me out by bestowing this loverly little award on me. I am so pleased to accept this award on behalf of ME. I would like to thank my wacky life, my crazy kid, my hormones, and YOU - my readers, for giving me the drive to blog. :-)

The Splash Award is given to alluring, amusing, bewitching, impressive, and inspiring blogs

The Rules:

When you receive this award, you must:

Put the logo on your blog/post.
Nominate & link up to blogs which allure, amuse, bewitch, impress or inspire you.
Let them know that they have been splashed by commenting on their blog.
Remember to link to the person from whom you received your Splash Award.

DISCLAIMER : I am a lurker on most of these blogs - but they are funny stuff. And the only reason they are not on my blogroll so you can see them and enjoy their hilariousness (my own made up word) is that I already have THIRTY something blogs on my blogroll.

DearDiary - just recently found this blog - totally love her writing - have been mostly lurking
Heather - fellow Signing Time user - adoptive mother - totally awesome chick
Sean - I found this blog three days ago - he is on his own journey to a healthier him - with amazing results
TheBloggess - hilarious shyt - 'nuff said
MaryMac - such an awesome lady - lives in an oooooold house - was mayor of her town - and was on tv wednesday
Kristie - freaking love this chick's blog - she cooks - she runs - she is witty and sarcastic

{Not So} Wordless Wednesday

2009-08-26T10:33:00.004-04:00

Welcome to my photo day. I love sharing photos of this little one. She just keeps me laughing and smiling all day long.

She took this one herself the other day.

The child took 30 minutes to eat ONE taco. And here she was telling me that it is just too loud in the restaurant for her to eat her dinner.

"Welcome to the Gun Show." - Will Ferrell, The Anchorman

"MOmmy, Dame Besitos."

Where did these days go? Look how small and quiet and beautiful she is.

And here...they can't stay this small forever, I guess.

And - because of the drama going on with the two of us - I wanted to post some pics of me and Rob. Just to look at. And see happiness.

This is one of my fave pictures of us.

Valentine's Day at Chow Baby. Good dinner. Good conversation. Good champagne. Good company.Us. Being silly on our friend's birthday.

Broken Pieces of Me

2009-08-24T11:28:00.004-04:00

Well, I am still here in case you were wondering. (And I know that you all were. Right? *Cricket Cricket*)

I am going through some rough personal stuff right now. We are not getting the house, unfortunately. And we have decided to take a step back from one another for a while. Actually, that's a lie. He decided we should take a step backwards for a while. We are no longer going to live together. I am going to move in with my daughter's father. And he is going to go stay with some bachelor friends for a while. Whether this is a short term thing or a long term thing, is unclear yet.

I have cried. I have smiled. I have screamed. I have laughed. I have slept. And all that in the last 12 hours or so.

But seriously, my heart was/is broken a little. I want to believe what he says. I want to trust that he has let the stress of becoming a "family" and trying to buy a house and me taking a job that pays 50% less than I was making previously and his stress at work get in the way of the relationship that he wants to have with me/us. He wants us to take a step backwards so that he can miss me again. So that he can remember what it is like without me there.

I can only hope that his words and actions are true. I can only hope that this time apart will allow him the time to deal with whatever he has going on and is thinking/wondering/worrying. And that he will find his way back to the point in our relationship that he is looking for.

This time apart is good for me, also. As you may or may not know, I have MAJOR issues with marriage and commitment. As a good friend told me yesterday, "SERIOUSLY: address your fears with him." He knows what my past relationships have done to me and how hard it is for me to trust and to not hold him responsible for the actions that others have committed against me.

So, now you all know that I am ok. That I am not gone. And that I am persevering through all of this. I can only pray that what I want is also what HE wants for me.

As a side note, I have re-started my workouts after being away from them for several weeks. I had gained back 2.5 pounds and I have RE-lost that 2.5 pounds. That means, that I am at a total loss of 15 pounds, still. I will be continuing on from here and steadily losing the weight and size that I have been working on since June 15. I am still determined to become a happier healthier me. I still believe that I can and will do this. I will be updating my measurements next week, even though I doubt that they have made much improvement this month because I have not been focused on my working out. I will also be doing another weigh-in tomorrow. Here is what I am looking like right now. Not the best picture or quality - but whatever.

As another side note, I love you guys. You are so supportive. Whether it is a text, or a tweet, or a quick blog note, or a FB post, you guys have been there for me for the last couple days while I try and wade through this emotional cess pool. I really appreciate it. I have definitely felt the love and support from all of my friends. Oline or IRL. You guys rock my socks off!

Break

2009-08-20T11:12:00.002-04:00

I need a break. I think I am going to take a step back from my blog for a couple days. I have some things I need to address right now. I don't know that I will have the energy to blog. Don't think I am missing in action. Check me on Twitter if you want. I will be there.

You like me, you really like me

2009-08-18T09:05:00.004-04:00

I got a new bloggy award the other day from WorkAtHomeMommy. She likes me. She really likes me. And she likes to read the words that come spewing outta my mouth. Eewww....who just got a mental picture of that scene from Problem Child just now?!?!? YECH!!!! Anywho....

The rules of the "One Lovely Blog Award" are:

Accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award, and his or her blog link. Pass the award to 15 other blogs that you’ve newly discovered. Remember to contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award.

This actually means a lot to me. People other than my close friends and family are reading me. And being touched by my words. And being encouraged by me. And laughing at me. I mean with me. And crying with me. It is so awesome to know that others can feel my emotion through my words. I started this blog a couple years ago jus to chronicle the emotional struggles I was going through at the time. My blog has now become somewhat of my own life journal where I share the good, the bad, and the teary.

So, without further adieu...Here are my nominations for the Lovely Blog Award. I am not doing 15 because it says NEWLY discovered blogs. And I have just not been able to go forth and discover new blogs. But these ladies are amazing. Rita cracks me up. DrahDrah has been on an emotional roller coaster all her own and is doing an incredible job. Em is joining me on my weight loss journey. Bikini has been inspiring me for about a month now. And Johnina doesn't post often, but when she does I thoroughly enjoy reading it. Seventeen inspires me with her love of baking. And Bunny...man...I think her site is evil and wonderful all in one breath. I can spend hours there. :-) Check out these ladies, please. :-)

Fighting Off Frumpy
DrahDrahs Place
Love me, Love me, Say that you love me
BikiniBy30
Bottles Barbies & Boys
17AndBaking
Bunny'sWarmOven

Finally....silence

2009-08-14T18:17:00.002-04:00

So, Lorelli goes to her daddy's on the weekends. Usually I meet him somewhere in the middle of his place and mine and give him his daughter around 8 pm on a Friday night. This weekend I finagled it so that he is picking her up from the babysitter's house himself around 8 pm. That meant that I got to come home and get in a nap. Woowoo. I was supposed to go do some lingerie shopping and some drink having with a girlfriend of mine, but her husband got tickets to the baseball game and decided she would rather go watch one of THE most boring sports EVER created rather than hang out with me. That's ok. I am exhausted this week. I can not stay awake. I think its all this blood loss. There are people dying in hospitals across the world right now that have lost less blood than I am right now during this particular visit from Mother Nature. I know....more than you wanted to know...but I can't help it.

My kiddo is funny. Surely you know that by now. If you follow me on Twitter or FB or even, dare I say it, MySpace, you DEFINITELY know this. Well, this week we had to stop in at the grocery store after work to get her some new toothpaste. It was very bright outside and she asked for her "sun shades." She told me I should get mine, too. But then she realized that I already had them on. (I have progressive lenses in my glasses) She told me, "your glasses that are your sundhades are very sensible." Really? Sensible? Does she not know that she is only 3 years old? Where does a 3 year old learn how to use the word sensible correctly in a sentence? She is too much. This is only days, er maybe a week, after she told me that my friends were impossible. This kid is going to keep my hands busy for the next 15 years.

And in other news....the house closing is FINALLY.OFFICIALLY.SCHEDULED!!! Tuesday the 18th at noon Rob should begin the process of signing his life away. This is exciting news. We have been waiting for what seems like forever. And then we can begin the process of cleaning the new house. Finishing packing this house. And moving all of our shite. And then cleaning this house. This townhouse has been awesome to us. I love it. But, I can not wait to have a house all ~~his~~ our own.

That's all for now folks. I am outta here. We are going to go pick up the new Madden Game. Can you hear the excitement in my voice? Can you tell I am sooo ready for my boyfriend to have another game to play instead of spending time with me? GOOD!

PS - I love my boyfriend. He totally skipped out on his Friday night Boys Night and is actually home spending time with me. And my childless self (see 1st paragraph). Unfortunately, there can be no QUALITY time this evening (see last line of 1st paragraph.)

TOODLES!

Wednesday's Walk - {Not So} Wordless Wednesday

2009-08-12T09:10:00.004-04:00

This is only my 2nd week of participation in Wednesday's Walk from Lynnnette Kraft. After you read through and look through my walk down memory lane, why don't you head on over to her blog and read the memories that others are sharing this week?

Last Tuesday, I shared the story of the son that I had at 17 and gave up for adoption. I finally had the courage to dig these photos out and share them. Please forgive the quality as they are pictures OF pictures. I will tell you now that going through these photos enabled me to just breathe a little bit.

The adoptive parents holding their newborn. They were able to give him his first bottle feeding.

The newborn baby lying on a blnket my grandmother had made him.

My friends and my mother with Baby P.

Christmas time with the new family

Easter time on the blanket that my grandmother sent him

The blog formerly knows as - Oates to Sow

It's over!!!

Love is....

Ahhhh....the spa

Vacation planning

Snow Play

Blogging

DONE!!!!

Change is in the air

Ain't Life Grand?

LRD Journey

Circus Weekend

I'm sorry

Intimacy Challenge Day 7

IC Day 3

30 days of intimacy

4 day weekend

Quick Note

ADK

YEEEE-HAWWW!!!!!

Cherry Berries on a Cloud

SAHM

At Long Last

The waiting is coming to an end

{Not So} Wordless Wednesday

Random Tuesday

Overnight Stay

YIPPEE

Oops!!!

Sappines Abounds

Lorelli's new room

I Heart Faces - Flowers

Never Again

Goings On

Mothers

It is done

As if she wasn't spoiled enough, already

I am bothered

Jennifer in Atlanta

*SIIIIIGH*

April Fools!

Blog World Domination by Dumb Mom

Lesson Learned : Never Say Never

Real Quick

Countdown

I Heart Faces - "Bundled Up"

Real Quick

Past time to post

Tiii-iii-iii-iiime Is On My Side - Yes, It Is

Things are moving in the right direction and I am loving it

Not Me! Monday

Love/Hate

{Not So} Wordless Wednesday - Lorelli Edition

Sun And Snow

A bit overwhelmed

{Not So} Wordless Wednesday - Ithaca version

Ithaca

What did I do?

Yippee!!!!

You're only a day awwwwaaayyyyyy (AKA know as Le Sigh, Part 3)

UGH I am such a girl!

Christmas meme

A Christmas Meme

Le Sigh - Part 2

LE SIGH - PART 1

Not Me! Monday

Not Me! Monday

And then she was one

WORDED Wednesday

SO much better

Not Me! Monday

Halloween

I might have lied. But I didn't mean to. And I will try not to do it again.

Not Me Monday

LRD Pictures

Not Me! Monday

I'm Baaaaaaaaaackkkkkk

{Not So} Wordless Wednesday

Surreptitiously

I Heart Faces - Excited

SIIIIIGH